My God

Time to Get Angry!

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Maybe it’s time to get angry. I felt my blood pressure rise and a “holy anger” came over me while reading a few emails of ladies these past weeks. These were emails of pain, bondage, and hopelessness and while my heart was bleeding for each one of these precious women, I was also getting so mad at the enemy.

I’m angry because of a vicious lie Satan has been using for ages to keep us in bondage. It’s the lie of “you can’t possibly come to God in this disgusting state that you are in”

Do you realize how many women are kept in bondage daily because they believe:
“I can only go back to church once I’ve lost some weight”
“I will join that women’s Bible study once I’ve stopped gambling”
“I will talk to a pastor after I’ve ended this relationship”
“I can not pray while I still have these evil thoughts”
“I can not read my Bible while I still yell at my kids”

Ladies, IT’S TIME TO GET MAD AT THE ENEMY!

We don’t have the power to save or change ourselves.  So if the enemy can just get us to believe the lie that we have to fix ourselves before coming to God we are trapped!

I am adding this part about the prodigal son that I’ve posted before because it is so important to hear again.

God is calling you, just as you are. You might be dealing with incredible pain, shame, or anxiety at this very moment. You might have just eaten so much food that you are in physical pain. Maybe you just purged and you feel shame hanging like a cloak around your shoulders. Maybe you are past all these feelings and you just feel a great numbness inside of you…

Seriously, God is waiting for you! He saw everything you did and He is still waiting and calling…

The voices of condemnation, guilt and shame that you hear are not of God but of the enemy who wants to destroy you (John 10:10)

I would like to remind you today of our Father’s heart. The parable in Luke 15 about the prodigal son gives us a peek into the heart of our heavenly father. He is looking for you, waiting for you to return to Him. He doesn’t insist that you first clean up your act or that you get rid of your filth before you come to Him. On the contrary, when He sees you taking the first few steps, He will run to you with open arms, welcoming you and showering you with love.

Please don’t try to first get “better” before you come to God. It’s the enemy’s age old trick to keep us in bondage.

It is only in God’s presence that we are cleaned and changed. You can not change yourself, but He has all the power to heal your broken heart and help you change the habits and addictions you’ve picked up to numb the pain. Better yet… He wants to heal the pain you are trying to numb…

Listen to what the Amplified Bible says about the father of the prodigal son:
“So he got up and came to his [own] father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity and tenderness [for him]; and he ran and embraced him and kissed him [fervently]” (Luke 15:20)(emphasis mine)

Do you see that the father was moved with pity and tenderness! Our heavenly Father has that same pity and tenderness towards us every time we come to Him, even in our filthy state. This might not be the first time you come to Him, but PLEASE don’t stop coming.

I found freedom from bulimia when I started crying out to God EVERY TIME I was binging or purging. I would cry and tell Him how bad I felt about myself, how ashamed I was, and how I needed Him to help me. He heard, He took pity on me, and drew me close to his heart with tenderness. You are his child too, He has no favorites, He wants to do the same for you!

Just run to Him my dear friend, repent, and accept His forgiveness. Jesus came so you can be free (Isaiah 61)

Your sister in Christ
Heleen

The BIG issue of INSECURITY!

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I must admit, I’m blessed beyond what I’ve imagined by Beth Moore’s latest book “So Long Insecurity:You’ve been a bad friend to us”

She said so many profound things, but one simple sentence hit me hard: “Worship in it simplest form is FOCUS”

I keep reminding all of you wonderful ladies that our focus needs to change from WEIGHT LOSS to HEALTH if we ever want to get out of this nightmare of eating disorders.

However, reading this book and looking at my own life, made me realize that there is more. There is a “deeper level” if you will.

Our focus will probably never shift from WEIGHT LOSS to HEALTH if we don’t first move our focus from OURSELVES to GOD.

Beth speaks about a deep insecurity that plagues the lives of so many. I’ve known this to be true in my own life and almost every lady I’ve encountered that has a struggle with food. Deep down at the bottom of our beings lies an insecurity that drives us to please others, to strive for perfection, to stay in control of our surroundings and the people we love, and to maintain or reach a certain weight AT ALL COST! Way too much stress and pressure for one person! No wonder that same person will reach for the cookie jar at the end of the day to quiet the voice that tells her “You will never be good enough!”

The vicious cycle of eating disorders literally gets fueled by insecurity day after day.

I think the main reason I like Beth so much is her honesty. I marvel at how she just comes out with the truth about her life, and it always inspires me to put the “mask” aside and tell the truth as well.

I would so have loved to have pictures everywhere on my blog of me in a number 4 jeans and a tiny T-shirt that says “I beat eating disorders”. I would also love to tell you that I have not had any negative thoughts or overate in 20 years. But this is my insecurities talking…because the truth is that I’ve been able to write on here and keep this website and forum running because my not-so-perfect body, and not-so-perfect life is a daily reminder that I need God. When I eat healthy, exercise daily, and keep God my #1 focus, then nothing in my life looks quite like the media and our society portrays “perfection”.  God’s idea of HOLY is light years away from the world’s idea of PERFECT. It might not include that small dress you wore in high school, and it might not include the perfect family you see on TV, but it WILL include a life of abundance that the Bible promises..a life that really matters… a life that is truly secure in God and as a result glorifies Him.

I have been truthful with you ladies about where I’m at: I have been free from bulimia for almost 10 years now, as well as from binge eating, but I do have times where I turn to food for comfort because of the stress caused by an old familiar pang of insecurity.

I am so grateful for this book, because as she rightly says, people don’t talk about it. So many men and women suffer from a deep sense of insecurity and we try to find security anywhere and everywhere, but it is NO WHERE EXCEPT IN CHRIST.

I don’t know why we always have to search for it in so many places and why we almost always have to find ourselves in a deep pit before we finally put our security in Christ, but it’s definitely true for most of us.

Looking for security in a mate, in appearance, in status, in marital bliss, in education, in family, in children, in financial stability, in position at church,  in fame, in the perfect job, in beauty, or in a thin body…IS FUTILE!!

In chasing any of the above our FOCUS STAY ON OURSELVES and NOT ON GOD! This FOCUS ON SELF can come in the form of SELF CONFIDENCE or SELF LOATHING.

Think about it like this:

If we remain focused on ourselves...will we ever be able to not worry about our weight, even at a size 2?
If we remain focused on ourselves…will we ever be satisfied with our house, kids and husbands the way they are without trying to control them?
If we remain focused on ourselves…will we ever be able to just love people (especially women) and not see them as rivals?
If we remain focused on ourselves…will we ever be able to give of ourselves to others and in ministry, regardless of how we look on the outside?

WORSHIP IN IT SIMPLEST FORM IS FOCUS…

What or who do you focus on?
What or who do you in fact WORSHIP?

It shook me to the core these past day. I still focus way too much on ME, and as a result I focus on the things that I think will bring me security.

GOOD NEWS LADIES! This journey that we are on have already steered us in the right direction. It all points to GOD as the only source of healing, comfort and yes…security. I’ve written a lot about it in Week 6 of my program. However, I have learned much from this book. It nudged me a little further along on this healing journey.

That said, DON’T EVER THINK THAT ONE THING YOU READ, LEARNED, OR HEARD FROM GOD ALONG THIS JOURNEY WAS FOR NOTHING. The day you’ve given your food struggle to Him and prayed your first prayer was the day He started bringing various forms of healing, truth, and breakthrough into your life. Your chains are falling off one by one as you daily draw closer to your only Source of security girl!

I’m excited for you ladies to also read this book once you’re done with the program or when you get to Week 6. It’s a very practical book and she gives steps to start dealing with the insecurity in our lives immediately. It would be fun to talk more about it on the forum as well.

Love you ladies!

Heleen

Love is…

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Love is patient, love is kind.


It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.


It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.


Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.


It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Love never fails.


But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


And now these three remain:

faith,

hope

and love.


 

But the greatest of these is LOVE.


1 Corinthians 13: 4-13 (Today’s New International Version)


Does the above passage make you uncomfortable?
Does it strike you as something you will never be able to do?
I agree, it’s much like the passage in Proverbs 31, it sets a standard that is very hard to come by.
You might come away from this passage with a feeling of hopelessness.
Who can love like this?
We want to love like this, but honestly, even on a good day we might only get as far as being patient and kind.

Actually, the love described in this passage refers to AGAPE love.
We don’t have it, but we need it.
We can’t produce this kind of love, but God can give it to us.
Not only can He help you to love your husband, boyfriend, child, or friend in this way, but even the person who pushes your buttons, and yes, even your enemy.

It’s as simple as asking.
Maybe you will have to ask a few times and keep asking every time you find yourself head on with a certain person, behavior, or offense. But don’t let that keep you from asking.
Go ahead, next time you find yourself all out of love, ASK!
Maybe something like this:
“Lord, I have no love in my heart right now, but I realize how important love is to you. Please give me love in my heart for this person. Your love that overrules my own feelings and offenses”

How do you get a constant flow of this Agape love in your life?
Read John 15 again. According to this passage there is only one way that we can have fruit  (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) in our lives and that is to “abide in the Vine” or “have a close relationship with Jesus”
(my translation)

You have nothing to lose you know… when you love you always win!

Have a wonderful Valentines Day ladies!

There is someone who is in desperate need of your love you know…
It could be romantic love:) or it could be love of a very different kind…

Love,
Heleen

Grab a Hold of your Life Line!

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Helping HandsThe Pit Saga continues…Last week we talked about CRYING OUT TO GOD if you find yourself in a deep pit.

So maybe you’ve been calling out to God this past week and are wondering…now what?

We would all like to  get rid of our strongholds instantaneously. However, according to the Bible God’s ways are higher than ours and sometimes His answers are different than what we anticipated.

You might not be zapped out of your pit instantaneously, but rather find yourself staring at a life line dangling just above your head.

When we’re  finally ready to give up our “I can fix this” attitude and lay down our pride by crying out to God, He will show us a way out of the pit. It might very well come in the form of what I like to call a “life line”.  God’s life line to hoist us out of the pit!

The problem comes when we refuse to take the line..

Let me give you an example from my life these past months:
I have been exercising consistently for the most part of 2009. Exercise is very difficult for me. I don’t like it. However, I’ve come to realize that it is CRUCIAL in staying out of the pit of food addiction. If I exercise I stay in touch with my body (not detach like I used to in the past). I make better food choices and I enjoy life so much more. So although I know that I need to do it, I always find myself bargaining and compromising in this area.

So since October last year, I’ve been bargaining. I didn’t want to go to the gym in the mornings anymore. Too cold and too early. I started making my own “plans”. I would do it later in the day, at home, on my treadmill. Better yet; late at night when the kids are in bed. Things started to unravel fast. My old secondhand treadmill broke. I searched high and low on the internet for a cheap, used treadmill. This one broke too after a few weeks. This time I turned to Plan B: Going to the gym at night. I was determine, but somehow there was always something going on  in the evenings, and before I knew it…no exercise at all!

By the beginning of December I was only exercising sporadically and without any enthusiasm. I felt stuck! After another wasted month I finally CRIED OUT TO GOD! While doing my Bible Study one morning I saw the life line dangling right in front of my eyes: I had to go back to the gym at 6 in the morning! I didn’t want to.  I refused. This could not possibly be the answer. I walked circles around the “life line” for a few days. Finally I stopped my stubbornness, laid down my rebellion, and grabbed a hold of the line.

What happened? You know it, God hoisted me up, out of that pit! It didn’t even take long. The first morning that I dragged myself out of bed and pushed through the self pity and the enemy’s attacks, I felt peace and joy flood back into my life. Just like that!

Now I don’t mean to oversimplify the process. Your life line might be dangling a bit higher than mine and it might take all of your strength to grab a hold of it, but please do! God is not going to force you. He gives us a way of escape according to the Bible, but it’s our job to take it!

What is God telling you to do today that will get you out of your pit?
Maybe the answer to getting out of your pit is also right in front of you. Is there someone you should call, someone you should forgive, something you should start, or something you should end? Should you go out and buy that Bible study or join that women’s group? Maybe you should enroll for that class or sign up for that missions trip. Maybe you should just stop running, sit down, and talk to the Lover of your soul…

Only God knows exactly what will get you out of your pit. He might use a  friend, pastor, counselor, or spouse to speak to you. He might speak to you directly through His Word and the Holy Spirit. All you have to do is CALL OUT to Him, then wait and listen. Look for answers in Scripture, in counsel, and in your heart.

Most importantly: When the life line is dangling in front of you. GRAB IT! Obedience is not an easy thing (just ask your kids:) However, it’s always worth it!

Obedience strengthens our love for God and it brings joy back into our lives

It’s in the Bible:
John 15: 10 – 11:

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

The greatest command according to the Bible is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Second to it; love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:28-31) So the things God asks you to do to get out of that pit will always line up with His Word and these important commands. Test it against Scripture and then  DO IT!!

Grab that life line, you can do it girl!

Love, Heleen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Resources for you

 

Click on the image below to learn more about the 12 Week Online Program: Women Struggling with Food

 

 

Read my story. Click on the image below to download my ebook: God will I ever be free?

 

 

 

 

Appetite for Freedom WORKBOOK and DVD. Great resource for small groups or for individual use.
Click on the image below to find out more

 

 



Gratefulness: A Mighty Weapon!

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iStock_000003267787XSmallA friend’s Thanksgiving email reminded me of how important it is to be thankful.

We tend to think of being grateful as just one of those little Bible “niceties” that all good Christians should uphold.

It turns out that it’s an awesome weapon at our disposal to defeat the enemy when he comes at us with bitterness, discontentment and self pity.

The Bible tells us to be thankful in everything. In Corrie ten Boom’s book The Hiding Place she tells about the unbearable circumstances in Nazi camps and how she learned there to be thankful in all circumstances and for everything (including the lice!) It’s and amazing book that I totally recommend.

It turns out that true thankfulness doesn’t surface in the pretty place of prosperity. The same goes for faith, love, forgiveness and many other Christian attributes. The place our light shines the brightest is in the darkness.

So when we seem to have no reason to be thankful, it is the most opportune time! Not in order to impress someone or keep a straight “Christian-face” but rather to trample on the enemy and keep pressing forward to victory!

I thank God today for the blessings I have. I hope to use thankfulness more often as an offensive weapon against the enemy’s attacks. Sometimes we need to stand on the truth of God’s Word, sometimes we need to worship God at the top of our lungs in spite of how we feel, sometimes we need to fast and pray for answers, but sometimes we just need to count our blessings…

You are such a blessing to me! Thanks so much for reading my posts!

With lots of love and thankfulness

Heleen

About Pasta Plates and Broken hearts

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I just have to brag with our God a little: There is no one like Him, and there is no one that can see deep in the secret places of our hearts and bring about the most amazing healing!

I had a funny day yesterday. I felt nostalgic and was walking down memory lane a bit. I met up with an old school friend on Face Book. We haven’t spoken in twenty years and my mind was back in 1988. The more I thought about my high school years and everybody I knew back then the more my anxiety level climbed. It’s not that it was all that bad for me. I wasn’t bullied, I had some friends and I did pretty good academically, but I wasn’t popular or even close to it. I was at best a happy-clappy-Jesus-freak-nerd. Now today I will carry that title with pride, but back then, not so much.

After thinking about this for most of the morning, I brushed it off with a “Come on, those days are long gone, you have done well for yourself.” I carried on to recite in my mind the things I have accomplished, not that they were all that much or even that great, but it made me feel better. To tell you the truth, when I look back on my life I know for sure that God’s grace was the driving force behind every good thing, nothing else.

I thought I was done with all this doom and gloom. For goodness sakes, I should take these thoughts captive, right? Well, it turned out to be quite the challenge on this particular morning. While cleaning the kitchen my thoughts went a different route. I was packing away my pink pasta plates. I’m afraid I bought these plates without really knowing what I was buying. (This use to happen to me a lot, being an alien in a foreign country). I never knew there existed a thing called a “pasta plate”. I just thought they were pretty pink plates with a little bit of a hollow center at a great price! (Ross of course).

So to make a very long story short, a few months ago we had one of my husband’s colleagues and his family over for a BBQ (hot dogs and hamburgers) and I served it, of course, in my pretty pink “pasta plates”. All would have been fine, have they not been very eloquently speaking, well read, travelers of the world. In fact, they lived in Italy for a while! This was just another addition to my long list of cultural blunders. Oh well, what are you gonna do? I thought for sure this embarrassing incident was behind me. However, on this barely-Spring morning, while putting away my “pasta plates” (we now use it all the time – you can’t waste a good bargain!) waves of shame washed over me.

I was confused: Didn’t I already deal with all this stuff, what was this all about? Fortunately for me I have a Counselor, a dear friend who sees every crazy step I take, and always tells met the truth even when it hurts. He was right there, peeking over my shoulder, whispering in my ear with His gentle voice: “This is an assault on your heart.” Off course! John Eldridge explains this so wonderfully in his book Waking the Dead. The enemy would go to those wounded places in our hearts (my school days and my pasta plate incident) and he will use it to shame us, condemn us and sow lies in our hearts that we are utterly worthless. I was so excited to have recognized this (again). I ran to my room, shut the door, stretched myself out before God and sobbed: “What is going on God? What is this attack on my heart? My heart is your dwelling place, please help me guard it!”

I never seem to have the right words to explain the transformation that takes place in His presence.
In that place He showed me the lie: The enemy has been telling me “You will never be good enough!”
But better yet, in that moment He dropped His truth into my heart: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I have counted every hair on your head and I made you to be you for a very specific reason. Just be yourself my child”

Oh how I love Him. Oh how I need Him. Dearest sister in Christ, living without Him is not living at all. I hope you too are guarding your heart today. Don’t fall for the enemy’s lies. God made you so beautiful!

In my program for women recovering from overeating, binge eating and bulimia, we spend a whole week talking about the assaults on our hearts. In the struggle with food, the assaults are constant and crippling. It is almost impossible to live under those. God wants to free your heart and make it His sole dwelling place!

Give me strength!

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I have yet to meet a woman who always has time on her hands, never looks exhausted, and always seems relaxed. In heaven we might see more of those, but here on earth most women are overworked and underpaid, seriously!

Okay, so sometimes we choose a lifestyle that make us run a hundred miles an hour. In this case some serious self reflecting and maybe counseling might be an option to regain our sanity. However, most of us, as our mothers before us, are simply caught in the rat race of life, where everything seems urgent and pressing.

We know the answer: We have to slow down and make time to get into God’s presence. The Bible encourages us so many times to wait upon the Lord. The results are miraculous: You will run and not grow weary, you will walk and not be faint (that would be me), and you will rise up on wings like the eagles (Isaiah 40:31). If your life is anything like mine, you will know that we need nothing short of a miracle to start running without pulling a muscle!

Some days I am so exhausted and emotional drained that I just lay before God and cry. It reminds me of my little girl, when she’s really tired she can’t find the words to tell me what’s wrong, she just cries. God is such a compassionate father. Whenever I’m just laying before Him, too tired to utter a word, He never fails to comfort me, give me wisdom, have me take a nap, or just give me that miraculous infusion of strength straight from heaven’s storerooms.

“Holy Spirit, please keep nudging me every day to go to my Father instead of turning to things that don’t satisfy (such as overeating and watching TV) and can not help me”

No greater joy!

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I am shamelessly crying while I’m typing this post. These are not tears of sadness, no it’s tears of joy and wonder. I am in awe of our wonderful Lord and Savior.

Tonight I received an email from a lady who gave her life to Jesus through my program. I don’t think I will ever get used to this kind of news. To me there is nothing in this world that compares to the feeling of seeing someone, especially a woman who is heavy burdened under the load of eating disorders, accepting the voice of Jesus: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28)

I’m just as human as the next lady, and you can believe me if I tell you that there are days when I’m not sure that I should ever have written anything. Other days the enemy attacks me with condemnation and doubt about my past. But when I hear a testimony like this, I know it was worth it, and I know that God can and will use any broken vessel, like me, if we will only let Him.

I can never get enough of His amazing love for us! I can still not believe that He is just so willing to take all of our sin, all our sorrow, all our pain, all our overeating, all our struggles with food, all of our unbelief and change it into a beautiful life.

There is truly no one as happy, just plain happy, as the captive that has been set free. Even now Jesus’ words in Isaiah 61:1, the words that brought freedom to my life, are ringing in my ears
“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners”

Hunting down Jealousy and it’s evil twin, Envy!

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I must admit, it has been a struggle for me. All my life I have to beat down this green eyed monster and it’s sidekick, envy.

Part of it had to do with eating disorders. Struggling with food, set me up for a low self esteem and in return a low self esteem pushed me deeper into a food struggle. So you really get trapped in a vicious cycle.

While going through the process of healing God and I spoke a lot about this. Why do I feel jealous of some people, and more so, why do I envy other women that look better, act better, have more stuff, are happier, do and say all the right things, and for crying out loud, eat whatever they want and never pick up an ounce. Getting older doesn’t really help. These days I have to contend with those who are younger as well.

I have learned a lot about how the enemy plays women against each other to keep us from being what God intended: sisters in Christ, best friends and allies against the Devil. I am so amazed how much God have changed me in this area and I wrote a lot about this in my course for women struggling with food.

However, this time my bout with envy looked a little different. My focus was on other families that seem to have so much more than us, do so much more, and just seemed so blessed in comparison to us. You know how quickly the enemy can color the picture, until we forget all about the countless blessing in our own lives.

It started with a little uncomfortable tweak of envy towards good friends of ours. Nothing serious, because I love them and I want them to have things and go places… I just want it too. So I let this envy go unchecked. Harmless, right? Or maybe not…

A few days later I found myself stewing about acquaintance who are younger than us, yet have everything we can only dream of. This time I wasn’t so generous in my approach though. I shook my finger at God and whined: ” This isn’t fair! They are not even Christians, how can they deserve any of this!” I was getting angry and mean. I thought about them all the time, hoping to come across some dirty laundry. I spent hours comparing “us” with “them” in my mind. I simply had to find a weakness. I even had imaginary conversations with my new “enemy”,  where I would “enlighten” them on all our family’s accomplishments.

I know, it’s sad and especially shocking now that I write it down. This went on for a few days and then God got a hold of me early this morning. How could I have missed the fact that I was completely without love: Love does not envy or boast and it certainly does not rejoice in the misfortune of other. Okay, granted, it’s very much human behavior, but it’s a far cry from the Agape love that has been poured out in my heart. Why does it always take me so long to see my own sin? I could have saved myself days of agony and hours wasted on people that I (for a few days) exalted above my God.

Oh, that I will keep my eyes more on God and less on people! I am so grateful that He loves me even in my prideful state. He opened my eyes again this morning to see: Some of the envy I felt are really just desires, good desires He places in my heart and the “envy” should nudge me to go after those things!  Other things I envy in people are just foolish, things that are certainly not in His plan for me.

I said sorry, really sorry for being such a spoiled brat, and I asked Him to plug the envy out of my heart and give me the strength again to go after my own dreams instead of being envious. Last, I asked Him to fill my heart again with His love for people.

I got up from that carpet, and you know it… Peace like a river and Love, amazing love even for my enemy…

Something might be lurking…

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Having lived a little on this old planet of us, I have to say that things are never as they seem. There is always something hidden under the surface, especially when it comes to people. If you really want to see, you have to look hard, have a compassionate heart and be prepared to be shocked. Nobody knows this better than counselors. It’s our job to pry, look deeper, and find out what’s really going on in order to help people deal with the actual problem not just the symptoms.

So why am I surprised to find things hidden in the corners of my heart? I have found that these hidden things, those things I even hide from myself, will come out one way or another.

The first way, and unfortunately the road most traveled in my life, is when something triggers it: My children’s sibling rivalry can poke at it, neglect from my husband can give it a stab, or a friend’s hurtful comment can plug it wide open. Things come pouring out of me that I had no idea I had in me. It always leaves me shocked and puzzled, as if I had no idea that there was anything more to me than just the outside happy face I put on.

Max Lucado wrote in one of his amazing chidren’s books about a boy who comes into the King’s presence and the King removes all the things that cling to him: The stars (the compliments and praises of people) as well as the dots (the rejections and hurtful things said by people). The King then reminds him of who he is, without all the false pride or insecurities.

Now this brings me to the second way to get to the truth, the best way by far, yet the one I often “forget” to take.
Just this morning I experienced it so vividly:. I got up feeling a little “down”, nothing serious, something I could easily shake once I start home schooling and working. I knew that I have vowed to start my days with God this year, but this morning I was hesitant. I was staring at the carpet in my living room where I usually pray. Something was holding me back (as if I don’t know who by now).

Finally, with a deep sigh, I buckled my knees before the King of Kings, and you know it… I started bawling. Deep sorrow poured out of my soul onto the carpet. Where did this come from Lord? What am I hiding? He told me, He held me, and He healed me in that place… I got up from that carpet and what you saw was truly what you got… I wasn’t hiding any pain, I didn’t want to eat two bagels for breakfast anymore, I didn’t yell at my kids, and I felt a deep sigh of joy escaping my lips…

Oh, if I can only learn that even though I feel alright, something might be lurking and it is always worth checking it out.