Life

Count Down to Ebook Release!

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BookCover12It’s finally ready, the ebook I’ve promised you guys for so long! The best part: IT’S FREE! You can get it Friday, August 14th, on my Website. Go check out the count down!

I’ve wrote this book “God will I ever be free?” over a course of two years. Yes, of course I procrastinated, rewrote and wondered if I should write it at all, but all along God was nudging me to surrender more of my life and write it all down.

So here goes:  My story of struggle, surrender and victory. Much of the journey, I’m afraid, was done in my own strength, hence the struggle. By grace alone I got a clue along the way, and after some serious surrender, what do you know, victory!

After all is said and done, after programs and diets and counseling, we still need to surrender. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that captives are set free,  broken hearts are mend and food addicts stop eating!

Isaiah 61 :1-3 (NIV)

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Did you read that: An Oak of Righteousness girl, that can be you!

Please pray for me this week dear friends, I will be needing it.

Sorry for not having a decent post for you, but please keep an eye on your Inbox if you are a member: You girls will be getting the first download links to my ebook on Thursday night:)

If you’re not a member, don’t be sad, you can get it too on Friday morning, bright and early:)

Lots of Love from a tired sister

Heleen

Stop the Nonsense: Chase your Dream!

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Little boy [1280x768]Remember when you were just a little kid and you had big dreams and wonderful aspirations for your future? What happened to those dreams? Do you still have a dream?

A friend recently recommended a book: Crazy Love by Francis Chan. The book really touched my heart, and I was surprised when I saw one of my favorite quotes in there.

The quote is by George Bernard Shaw:”This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

This quote meant a lot to me during a season when I was praying and seeking to find God’s purpose for my life. This is a crucial step in the process of breaking free from food struggles. People who have any form of addiction are usually so consumed by the addiction that they loose track of their identity and purpose in life.

While reading the book Crazy Love, I pondered over my purpose once more. Here I was after many years of freedom from food addiction and it seemed that I was at a crossroads again. I know that my greatest purpose in life is to love God with all my heart, soul and strength. But I felt sort of lost again in the day by day grind:

So what am I suppose to do again?
Why do I feel so without direction?
Why doesn’t my life make sense?
Why do I just go through the motions every day?
What happened to my passion, my dream of helping others?

Two things started to surface

Number one has to do with the above quote:
My dream has to be SOMETHING THAT I PERCEIVE AS GREAT!! Not my husband, my friend, my parents, my pastor or anybody else that has influence over my life. It has to be my passion related to gifts God gave me and desires He alone placed in my heart.

I can clearly see where things went wrong again. I started looking to others (again). I wanted to please those around me. I craved their praise and compliments more than the smile of God over my life.

Here’s what happens if it’s not YOUR DREAM:

1. You will have no passion for it
2. You will start to resent the person you hope to please
3. You will find any excuse to procrastinate
4. You will blame anything and anyone for your lack of motivation
5. You will feel like a failure and become depressed

The other thing I was reminded of: EXCUSES!

When I found God’s unique dream and purpose for my life I started out with a BANG! I had so much zeal and loved the feeling of being consumed with my purpose. It made everything so much easier. I could handle the mundane and challenging things life threw at me, because when I sat down to write or to counsel someone it brought joy to my life. I was a better friend, a patient mom and a fun wife. I didn’t even moan and groan about the dishes so much (seriously!)

However, dreams are not built over night. Our patience gets tested, our faith starts to waver. In the end it basically comes down to rolling up your sleeves and keeping at it. Just to clarify, I don’t like this part, but it is what it is:)

As far as the excuses go, they can sneak into your life in a very subtle way:

1. It usually comes in pretty packages with pretty bows: A prayer meeting, a woman’s tea, a manicure or a long phone conversation with a friend
2. It can also come in package marked IMPORTANT, OPEN RIGHT AWAY such as: A mountain of dirty laundry, a child’s request, a last minute report or grocery shopping

HOWEVER, IT’S ALL JUST EXCUSES! HOLDING YOU BACK FROM FULFILLING YOUR DREAM!

So I asked God to quicken His dream again in my heart, the real one, the reason He created me. Then I asked for my eyes to be opened to the excuses. It’s one thing to ramble off excuses to my friends, but it’s another story to try and sell it to an all seeing, all knowing God.

The people I know that are passionate about their goal in life don’t make excuses. They have busy and difficult lives too. They also have businesses, kids, husbands, pets and houses, but they’ve set their eyes on their dreams and they refuse to be moved!

A person who is not passionate about life, don’t have any time for anything, but the one who found her true calling always has time somehow to do more and serve more. It seems upside down, but honestly, it’s true! I’ve been both those people at different times in my life.

The best part for me: My relationship with God always seems to take off and grow deeper when I follow the path He has prepared for my life.

So I’ve decided to focus in again. I made up my mind to not get distracted from my dream, and stop making excuses. No more time for negative thoughts, fights about nonsense, wondering if people like me or not, thinking about a hurtful comment and brooding over my own shortcomings and inabilities.

God said to seek His Kingdom FIRST and all these other things will be added. So, it’s time again to zoom in on my dream and it starts with making time for the Dream Maker!

What about you dear sister. There is something about you… Nobody like you has ever been created and there will not be one like you again… You are unique in every way and you have a purpose over your life. I dare you to take up that purpose and run with it… It may be the thing that changes your life forever and makes the shackles of bondage fall from your ankles for good!

Lots of Love, Heleen

PS: I devoted a Week in my 12 Week Online Program to this topic.

I also recommend that you read the following books if you need guidance and encouragement to find the purpose God has for your life:
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson
Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a relentless God by Francis Chan
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

My Weekend VOW OF SILENCE…

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I am fascinated by people who have the strength to take a vow of silence. Maybe you are not impressed at all. You might even need a “vow to speak up”, but for me, the self proclaimed chatterbox, being silent for a while seemed almost impossible.

So this past weekend, I did it.

Okay, of course I didn’t stop talking all together. That would really be impossible in my life and my house! There are little children running around, asking their mother all sorts of life altering questions such as “Where’s my pants” “Can I have some candy?” and “I’m bored, what can I do?”

No, my “vow of silence” more entailed not saying anything unless someone asked me a direct question.

Boy, did this turn my world upside down! I found myself with all these thoughts in my head that I had no way of getting out. It’s excruciating!

Weighing my thoughts and stopping them before they found their way out of my mouth turned out to be an eye opener to say the least. It was more like… an epiphany. I never realized how many of the things I say on a daily basis can be categorized as nagging, controlling, manipulating, hurtful or just plain idle.

I didn’t mean for it to be this way. I certainly don’t walk around cussing and yelling (just making sure you’re not picturing me as this cave woman with wild hair and crazy eyes:) However, I allowed little things to slip through the cracks and it became part of my speech.

The Bible says in James 3:5-6 that our tongue is a little flame that can cause a big wild fire (my translation)

I forgot all about taking control of my tongue. Sometimes I’m too late to take a thought captive, but then I can still stop a great fire by not letting that thought out of my mouth!

I’m just a Mom who runs a tight ship, right? Actually, as this little experiment proved, I can do a lot of damage, wildfire type damage, if I don’t double check the motives behind my words.

The thing that actually prompted me to do this experiment was the little issue of “control”. I know there’s a big link between control and food addiction in my life, so I read about it, studied the subject, prayed about it and wrote about it. However, it tends to sneak up on me and before I know it I’m trying to rule my little world again.

Before the Holy Spirit gently nudged me to do this little experiment, I never realized how many things would probably sort itself out if I just said…nothing…

I didn’t quite make it through the weekend. It was my husband’s birthday and I just couldn’t help myself. I simply had to help. There is no way that he could know exactly what he wanted to do with his own birthday, right?

Oh well… I have decided to extend my project into the coming weeks seeing that I still have a lot to learn about keeping my tongue. My family members are looking at me funny. Some are wondering out loud if I might be sick. I just smile and hug them. I have a secret…and I’m not telling…

 

Please make use of my resources if you need help with what goes in and out of your mouth:

  • 12 Week Online Program and Private Forum for Women Struggling with Food

  • Health Coaching – For women who need to lose weight while dealing with the spiritual and emotional issues behind their food struggle. A great tool to use with the 12 week online program.
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365 DAYS to Transform Your Life

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IN OUR STRUGGLE WITH FOOD AND WEIGHT, TIME IS EITHER OUR FRIEND OR FOE, EVERY DAY COUNTS. Just think how quickly your next birthday or next Christmas keeps rolling around, while you still find yourself stuck.

All the promises that you can lose 20 pounds in 7 days are just not true. Even if you find that “perfect” diet and lose 20 pounds in 30 days, it’s bound to backfire, leaving you with more weight in the end and an even slower metabolism.

PLEASE BELIEVE ME: THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS, WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR LIVES FOR GOOD.

I have been at that place where NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK more times than I can count. Even after I dealt with many of my issues, I kept looking for ways to lose the extra weight I’ve gained over the years. It was a constant battle because after years of dieting my body was not doing quite what it was supposed to.

So I took up the challenge that I set before many ladies in my small groups and the ladies who joined my online membership site: GIVE IT ONE YEAR – 365 DAYS OF HEALTHY HABITS.

Now this way of eating has absolutely nothing to do with FOLLOWING A DIET.

It’s about changing your life, and especially your health,  by consistently eating healthy EVERY DAY FOR ONE YEAR. It’s especially about making up your mind to not be sidetrack by SLOW OR NO WEIGHT LOSS, STRESS, SICKNESS, HOLIDAYS, RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, AND A BUSY LIFE. These things are difficult, but I’m afraid it’s part of life, so you can not let it become your excuse. During this year it is crucial to COMMIT to eat healthy NO MATTER WHAT CONSISTENTLY.

Of course I knew this would benefit me, and sure enough, it did. I lost weight, slowly, but the pounds kept coming off. Also, it was such a relief to be rid of the ever-present anxiety of “I messed up” or “I better eat all I can tonight because my diet will start tomorrow”. I had a year so I had time to recover from slip-ups.

Other benefits caught me entirely by surprise. After eating vegetables with lean meats and fruit as the main course of every meal for about six months, I realized that while people around me got colds and illnesses, I didn’t. This was huge. We have a big family, and as the mom, I always got sick alongside my “patients,” but not anymore.

Also, cravings all but vanished. Not in my wildest dreams would I ever have guessed that there would come a day that I would NOT WANT CAKE. After eating fruit often for months, I stopped craving sweets. So yes, sometimes I still eat sweets, and there had been times when I got myself into a bind and had to go through a time of resisting again, but my body is now working with me not sabotaging me. Getting up after a short relapse is so much easier because for the most part (at least 80% of the time) I eat healthily. Please note: You can fool others and even yourself, but you can not trick your body. If the food you eat is not truly healthy and in it’s purest form, I’m afraid nothing will change.

I also picked up the challenge to exercise CONSISTENTLY for one year. Not the kind of exercise where you work out like a maniac for three days and then take a break for three months (been there, done that). No, instead, the kind where you exercise 4 to 5 times a week, NEVER MIND WHAT HAPPENS AND NEVER MIND HOW MEDIOCRE THE EFFORT.

I agree that merely strolling forever will not help much, but it is the consistency that changes your life. After six months, I was excited to start doing more. Who would have thought that I would actually like exercise? However, this would never have happened if I didn’t first make it a part of my life. Make no mistake I felt sorry for myself EVERY DAY FOR THE FIRST THREE MONTHS, and I had to call out to God every day to help me.

Also, consistency in your Spiritual life WILL TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE: I always thought that this “pray-and-read-your-Bible” every day was just a legalistic thing that we don’t have to obey. It turns out, we don’t have to, but “eating” spiritual food can also transform our lives. Sure it might not feel good at first, and it might get “boring” after a month or so, but if you keep at it you will not believe what it will add to your life.

Every day the enemy, the world and the people around us pin “things” to our lives. We get saddled with stress, loneliness, pride, responsibilities, and temptations. Imagine yourself walking around with those things, and getting more piled on for a month or a year without being washed by the water of the Word or letting Jesus heal your broken heart with His Word and by his Spirit. It’s unhealthy, like eating junk food for a year. It clogs your spiritual arteries, and it leaves you depleted and sick. TIME IN GOD’S PRESENCE AND IN HIS WORD IT’S NOT FOR GOD’S BENEFIT, IT’S FOR US.

Eating healthy, exercising and most importantly, spending time in God’s presence are gifts that He gave us. However, the enemy blinds our eyes and the eyes of the people around us so that we believe those gifts are burdens.

TAKE ONE YEAR

  • EAT HEALTHY – IGNORE THE SLIP-UPS
  • EXERCISE – STOP THE EXCUSES
  • LET GOD INTO YOUR LIFE BY GIVING HIM YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION: TIME

TODAY CAN BE THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR 365 DAYS.  If I could do it, so can you. I’m just another girl like you with a lot of issues and a lifetime of struggling with food, but we have an awesome God.

Want Freedom? Fight for it!

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So last week I had writer’s block… or so I thought…
I couldn’t write anything decent. Honestly, sometimes I’m just lazy, but this was not one of those times. I seriously felt unable to type a single sentence.

I knew that all you amazing ladies would forgive me for not writing, but it was a little more complicated than that. See, I am finishing up an ebook. Yes, the one about surrender that I promised you guys months ago! Also the one that was done a year ago, and the same one God has been laying on my heart to finish ever since. So I finally got it edited, and was just suppose to make a few last minute changes as recommended by my editor. But I had nothing…

And then, as if this was not enough, life came crashing down: Sick kids, problems at my husband’s job, computer hick-ups (not good if you have online businesses) and a few emails from “well meaning people” that made me doubt my own sanity …

I couldn’t understand why I felt so overwhelmed. Why didn’t I have any peace? Could I possibly be slipping? This could not be happening!

Now I have to admit that I briefly turned to a candy bar (only one, thank you Jesus!). After that I had a talk with myself: “Now come on Heleen, you should know better! What do you always tell your friends? Okay, stay calm, think! Of course, I have to get back to my program… ”

So for two days and two nights I scanned my program. I anxiously flipped through the Bible. I listened to Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer and all the other ladies of wisdom that I knew. Nothing. My peace was really gone!

Next I started talking to people: My husband pretended to listen to my strange rantings and my friends nodded sympathetically. Still, nothing! No major words of wisdom, and no revelation. I was not binging (yet) but I felt stuck and my anxiety escalated as the problems and relationship issues around me multiplied.

I’m sure you can see what went wrong, but I couldn’t see it for the life of me: I DID NOT TURN TO GOD!

When I finally connected the dots, I prepared myself for a long talk with the only ONE that can help me. I made sure the kids were otherwise occupied. I stretched myself out on my bedroom carpet, a box of Kleenex next to my right ear and my open Bible by the left ear. I waited…

“It’s the Devil”

Just that! No big revelation. No long heart-to-heart that makes me cry off all my make-up. All this time it was enemy attacks and I couldn’t see it?

When I got over my initial shock I saw it as clear as day. Indeed, the enemy knew I had to finish this. He also knows that PROCRASTINATION is the opposite of CONSISTENCY, something God has been teaching me in order for me to stay out of bondage!

In the past I would just PROCRASTINATE as a way of life, but since God has been showing me how crucial CONSISTENCY is, I tend to resist the urge to procrastinate. So the enemy knew he had to work a little harder, throw some pebbles and boulders in my path to wear me out and hurt my feeling. Sure enough, that did it.

I realized that my mistake was not in getting discouraged when all this trouble came my way. My mistake was in trying to fix it myself. As always God is teaching me to give up control and cling to Him. He has the answers, all of them, for every season of my life.

This time it was as simple as looking beyond human behavior and seeing the enemy’s evil scheme. I was reminded of Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (NIV)

Just having my eyes opened to the truth immediately set me free from the load of depression and anxiety. I got up from my face, rebuked the enemy and started praising God. Our amazing, loving God, the God of all Eternity who holds the universe in His hands, and is on our side! I was so relieved to realize, once again, that I don’t have to fear, He is in control.

Peace came flooding in and my fingers started typing, and you are reading the result of that peace right now:)

So I’m off to finish that book, no matter what. Please pray for me as I am praying for you that you will not be fooled by the enemy’s schemes but that you will take up your armor and rise up, Mighty Warrior Princess!

Alien Alone…

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I’m sorry, but I can not, for the life of me, seem to put a “chipper” post together this week. I thought it best to not blog at all, but then I thought about all you amazing ladies who read my blog and that some of you probably have broken hearts right this minute that far outrank my own.

Honestly, I’m just too sad to pick myself up by the bootstraps (I’m wearing flip-flops anyway) My heart is still strapped to the picture of my Mom’s sad face, looking back at me one last time before she disappeared through the gate to board her plane back to South Africa. It was an emotional good-bye with lots of shattered hopes and unfinished business. I felt so helpless. I couldn’t fix anything! This girl, the self proclaimed “maker of plans”, couldn’t do a thing!

After ten years in America, I’m still not used to the goodbyes. The sight of an airplane and the smell of the airport still makes my stomach turn. Too many tears have been shed in that spot, always with the knowing that years will pass, our toddlers will be teenagers, and we will all be much older next time we meet. To be an alien in a different country usually means to be cut off from your loved ones. When you leave there are always promises and expectations of many visits, but you soon realize that it was just a dream. The reality: They are on the other side of the world, it’s expensive, it’s difficult to get a travel visa, and travel is not always easy or even possible.

After we dropped my Mom off I felt so alone… I wandered through the house aimlessly, and then I started crying, for one week straight! I cried every time I made tea in the polka dot tea mugs she bought me, I cried when I put a sundress on my little girl (a gift from grandma), and I cried once more when my nine year old said “Ouma gave me this camera Mom, I will treasure it forever”

Please understand, I’m so grateful my mom is still alive! I am so thankful that we can still skype and email, but it’s the hugs I will miss the most, and the smell of her perfume that still lingers in our home, and especially the picture of her holding my kids…

Goodbye would have been sad enough, but we all had a dream of having a family member in our lives after ten years of being “aliens alone”. When we said goodbye to my Mom that dream was shattered. For a short while we felt again the joy of having a grandma that would come to birthday parties, a grandma who would makes surprise visits, and a grandma who sees and believes only the best about her grand kids. Now that dream was gone, and my heart was bleeding for us, but more so for her…

Now of course I wrestled with God about this. Didn’t I beg him for a miracle for more than ten years? Couldn’t he have made me stronger? Couldn’t I have done more? Couldn’t He have turned defeat into a victory? I wasn’t really angry, just so broken…

Moving to a different country is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Even if the people are as friendly as you guys, and the country is safe and wonderful, it’s just not yours and it’s just not familiar. Everything you ever accomplished in your life doesn’t matter, because it was done in a different language, in a different way, and it had different value. You feel as if you have just been born, and for many years you’re not sure what to do and where you belong…

So two days ago my eye caught a passage God used to bring healing to my heart when I was a brand new “alien” in this country. It’s in Isaiah 6 and it talks about how Isaiah saw the Lord, in all His majesty and glory, in the year that king Uzziah died. Beth Moore calls it “the passing of the King” or in my case “the passing of a dream” and how it can be a time to see God’s glory and get to know Him in a whole new way.

I cried so hard I’m sure the neighbors heard me! Here I was, at those crossroads again, and I had to choose. In the words of Beth “Will this hurt to hurt, or hurt to heal?” I want it to not just hurt this bad for nothing, but as the dream died in my heart, I begged God to bring life out of it. I am still asking Him to show Himself to me and my mom again, and draw us a little bit closer to His heart.

And then yesterday, there was an email from a brand new friend I’ve made in Houston Texas. She encouraged me to listen to Hillsong’s Desert Song on Youtube. Thanks so much Denni! While listening to that song, I felt it… the tug of His hand, pulling me closer to His tender heart of love once again…

Are you hurting today? Is your heart broken? Are you grieving the loss of something or someone? I’m so sorry… I wish I had something eloquent to say to you. But if I could, I would hug you and tell you:  “Hide, sweet sister, hide under the everlasting wing! He will turn your mourning into dancing again…”

Lots of love, Heleen

A picture of me and my Mom, many moons ago!

PS: I’m sure you would like to know how all of this affected me in the food area: I am glad to report that there were no midnight runs to KFC, Dairy queen or Krispy Creams. I am so grateful to God that He kept me on my knees with only a stack of kleenex between us. My lowest moment (food wise) was when I stole a handful of Cheetos from a stranger! Okay, it was my husband, but I couldn’t recognize him through the tears.

Seriously, if you struggle with food, you know that this was not a little thing for me, but rather a huge victory over the enemy!

A “Special” Meal with Extra Gravy!

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I know it sounds like we’re having an early Thanksgiving, but not to worry, the Woest family is still going strong as far as healthy eating habits are concerned. However, this weekend we did have a special meal alright!

By the end of the weekend I was in a pretty lousy mood, in fact I felt bruised and beaten by laundry, chores, commitments and tantrums (the “don’t-know-what-I-want-but-I-don’t-want-that” tantrums that gets issued with every precious two year old 🙂

So at dinner time I dished up big plates of steaming hot guilt for every family member. I also added some thick gravy of manipulation and a side dish of harshness. Off course I didn’t starve either, my plate was packed with self-pity, discontentment and a dash of bitterness. Great dinner!

It was the wise women from Proverbs that grabbed me by the apron and shook me up good. The Amplified Bible says it exactly like I needed to hear it: “She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.” (Prov 31:27)

Ouch! So I repented and laid my burden down where it belongs. I am happy to say that this morning’s breakfast was on the lighter side. Love, humility and thankfulness was on the menu.

I still have a long way to go before I can be called a Proverbs 31 woman, but maybe, as some of my friends believe, it speaks of all the seasons of our lives. For this season I feel blessed to just drop the “bread of idleness” because it ruins my “holiness diet” anyway.

Love you lots
Heleen

Happy 1st Birthday!

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I bet you are wondering which child of mine is turning one that you didn’t even know existed. Well, sorry to disappoint you but this Birthday girl is not so much the flesh and blood kind as she is a pretty mess of code and color.

I am talking about our website “Women struggling with Food“. I don’t think I ever told you the story of her “creation” or the three difficult months of “labor” I endured, so here goes:

I was seriously just minding my own business, taking care of my then one year old baby girl, doing some counseling here and there and filling my days with juggling the activities of the four men in my life. I really missed the support groups I facilitated for about seven years though. I would be a hypocrite if I tell you that those groups were always fun and games. No actually the groups were exhausting and at times excruciating for both me and the ladies involved. We were all dealing with life changing stuff and digging up pain that we would much rather have left exactly where it was. There was a lot of crying, definitely some laughing, but also truck loads of emotions flying around. Yet, in the midst of it all, amazing friendships were forged. I missed it all, the whole nine yards!

I suspect my husband was getting fed-up with my miserable state. This is when he suggested that I put together all of the information and research I gathered to create an online program. He figured I could just make one week and see what happens. I had of course no idea what I was getting into and casually agreed to give it a shot. One thing lead to another, I started writing, then recording, more weeks sprung up and I just couldn’t stop. Looking back, I know for certain that it was a God thing, because it was three of the most difficult months of my life! Everything that could go wrong indeed went wrong. Amazingly though, I didn’t stop. Regardless of sickness, financial pressure, extended family crisis and strain on our marriage, I simply didn’t quit. Now if you know me at all, you will not believe this. I am not exactly the “never-quit” type, especially if the thing I’m doing has a negative influence on my family. So I know for sure that God pushed me through while the enemy tried every trick in the book to stop me.

I am so grateful to God! You have no idea how very aware I am of the fact that He uses any vessel He wants, and that if He could use me to bring this message, He can use you too. I want to encourage you with this post that God wants to use you, even in the midst of your struggles and in spite of your weaknesses.

So by the time I finished recording, writing and editing (still a work in progress actually) I only had a program. It was the same course I have been using to help other women through the years, but now what do I do with it? There was nobody to give it to, just the world-wide-web, pretty scary…

So I needed another push, and again the job was assigned to my poor husband. By now he was actually getting pretty good at pushing me beyond what I think I could do. I simply hated technology and especially resisted anything computer or internet related with every fiber of my being. Can you even imagine the mess? Lots of tears, tons of conflict and hours of praying “God please let me off the hook!” The end result: Victory, knowledge where there was only a big back hole in my brain, and a website where ladies all over the world can sign up and trust God for a miracle of freedom in their lives! I have no words when I talk about this, just tears. It was really impossible. It is really such a miracle!

For me personally the miracle extended beyond the course. It impacted my marriage in a way I could never imagined. My husband is such an internet dude. He is always on the computer and it left a huge void in our marriage. I never knew how to fix it. I demanded, I begged, I tried to change (tried to love the little tin brain lady called a laptop) but it was a lost case. Then God came and answered my prayers, in a rather sneaky way I might add:) These days we are the “computer twins”! I know, unbelievable!

Did my fun stop last February when we launched? I’m sure you know the answer to that. No such luck! My husband initially agreed to devote so much time to my “project” partly in order for me to contribute to our finances. We have a big family and he has been the sole bread winner for a long time. So we argued about the price. In the end we prayed and waited and let God decide, seeing that He was the executive director anyway. After this challenge came months of technical difficulties. Goodness knows, I never knew so many things can go wrong!

Finally, a few months ago things started settling down. I started selling more memberships to ladies all around the world. I still cry every time! Some of the wonderful ladies wrote the most gracious words of encouragement, and I cried some more and thanked God that it was all worth it.
Don’t think for one minute that the enemy would just back off and let me enjoy this though. No, there were a few nasty comments too, and days when the evil one came and whispered in my ear that I had no idea what I was doing and that I should just shut down the website.

Fortunately, as you know, I can hide under the wing of my Everlasting Father. It’s there where he restores my soul, gives me perspective and reminds me to just be me. Yes, I have nothing to boast about, but I also have nothing to be ashamed of either. I am just his daughter, washed and cleaned by the blood of the Lamb. So I’m sure there will be more days when I think “Wow, girl, you did a pretty darn good thing here” or days when I think “What in the world were you thinking”. However, let me assure you that God will straighten me out, there on my not-so-new living room carpet, every morning before I turn on my computer.

I wrote this post mainly to encourage you dear sister: Yes God wants to set you free from food struggles, but there is so much more to you. He has amazing things in store for you, things that will blow your mind!

Please go read some of the blessed words of encouragement and testimonies that you send me during this past year. I put it on the website, but I used fake names to protect your identity. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much ladies. I honestly don’t deserve the praise but I do love you all dearly!

Hold the advise, please!

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If you have been dealing with food addiction for a while, the last thing you need to hear is another human being telling you to just get over it, have some self control and eat less already!

Some individuals are just plain rude and like to give advise about everything (including things they don’t know anything about). But there are also people who honestly intend to help us, but don’t know that their well meant advise can make us feel worse and sink even deeper into the eating disorder. It doesn’t help to take away food, count our calories for us, go on a diet with us or bring us every new diet that comes out. All these things just add to our stress level and self condemnation.

We have already tried all the diets and our answer does not lay in diets at all. The thing we need more than anything is acceptance, love, support and prayer. We have to figure the rest out with God and a professional who knows that we can’t just “get it together” already.

Just recently a lady told me that food is just a temptation, and overweight people should simply say NO. God helped me not to say anything, because words would have been wasted on this particular lady, but on my way home I prayed that God would grant me grace to “hold the advise”.

There were times when I gave people advise about things I knew nothing about and situations I have never been in. This advise giving can especially be going around when it comes to raising kids: As if any of us really know all the answers. I asked that God would help me to guard my mouth ( what goes in and comes out), but also search my heart for any pride that causes me to give unwelcome advise. After all, what is in the heart spills all over the place (my translation:)

If I lived happily ever after…

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012_chldLast night I read my little girl a bedtime story, the kind all girls (young and old) love. It starts with “Once upon a time” and ends with “and they lived happily ever after”

Long after I kissed her rosy cheeks and tucked her in, I still sat on the rocking chair, thinking about “happily ever after…”

Okay, I have to admit that I was in a rather melancholy mood yesterday, so it’s not really a surprise that I wasted my time pondering over sentimental things. I have a lot to be thankful for, make no mistake, in fact some might think that I have the perfect fairy tale life. However, I know better, I know that only by the grace of God can I claim joy in the midst of many trials and hardships. So I do love my life, but its’ far from “happily ever after”

And then, this morning while doing a new Bible study (isn’t it so fun opening a new Bible study?) I was reminded of how God uses trials to keep us close to Him. I know that this is true for me personally. I am ashamed to admit it, and it seems so wrong, but I’m afraid that the times my life touched the outskirts of “happily ever after” I was out there doing my own thing, celebrating my own happiness, forgetting about the One who made it all possible. I don’t want to be like that, and I always promise myself that this time will be different. I even promise God that I will stay so close to Him, if He will only…

I’m sure God made provision for this part of our fallen nature. I know for certain that His mercy and love reach way beyond our humanity and flakiness. What I’m getting at though is that I don’t like trials, I hate the anxiety and the pain and I don’t think I will ever get used to it. However, looking back on my life, I have to admit, it was ONLY the trials, the emptiness, the loneliness and the pain that made me remember: This life is not my home, I’m just passing through, there is Someone who loves me and will never leave me. And then I will turn back, and get closer to the lover of my soul, Jesus.

So I think I am after all scheduled for a “happily ever after”. It’s just different from what I had in mind initially, something my mind can not quite comprehend, and I might have to wait for it a little longer…