Food Struggles

Weekend, why does thou torture me so?

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I love the weekends! I look forward to them with high expectations of fun, romance, and adventure. My Fridays are filled with anticipation, like opening one of Willie Wonka’s Wonka-bars, hoping to find a “golden ticket” or in my case, a “perfect weekend”.

Weekdays have a tendency to rob me of all my joy. Slaving away to bring in the bacon (turkey bacon of course), and running around like a chicken with its head chopped off can suck the life right out of you. But oh (sigh), then there’s weekends…

People walk around on Fridays with a bounce in their step, strangers greet each other friendly, and cashiers may fill you in on their weekend plans. Bank employees may even offer you doughnuts and coffee on a Saturday morning.

Now that brings me to the problem, actually two problems:

1. I expect way too much from two fairly ordinary days

2. Fun in my dictionary is the same as FOOD

The one is connected to the other. If I try and eat right and exercise on a weekend, I’m already stifling the fun. So, I have to find a back-up plan so the fun can go on. I start looking around at my husband (who of course has his weekend expectations) or a friend (who’s plans didn’t quite include me) or a family member (who thought this weekend is a good time to dump some problems on me).

None of this is helping. Any time now I can find myself wandering through the house (or better yet, the mall), scouting for a glimpse of hope, any indication that this weekend is not going to crush my dreams. Lo and behold, what do I find? Morsels of hope, the true essence of life, the flavor of living, you know it, food.

If there’s one thing I am trying to learn, and I’m asking God to help me with, then it is to not set high expectation on days, people and things.

How many times in my life has this left me devastated and hurt? A far better idea would be to surrender (or at least try and surrender) to God’s plan for my life.

Beth Moore says that God is supposed to be our “mash potatoes” and all these other things and people are just the “gravy” (my translation).
So, it’s great if my weekend actually turns out to be all I ever imagined: A romantic getaway with hubby, laughs with my girls friends, or a great visit with family. However, I have to keep in mind that these things are only the gravy of my life, we all love gravy, but if I don’t get the gravy, I’m okay. I still have the mash, I’m satisfied.

I know, I know I’m making you hungry again! This was not my intention, but I hope you got the picture. If your struggle is food, then you know by now that weekends can be a fierce opponent. The enemy uses all those expectations of fun, laughter and good food to tempt us to throw in the towel.

We will indeed be wise to remember that Food Addiction and Eating Disorders can only be conquered through CONSISTENCY. Two innocent days every week can break that consistency time and time again. Things can actually change for good if we approach weekends prayerfully, with more caution than other days, and with rest and recreation in mind.

Recently I asked myself: Could weekends be the one thing (or one of the things) keeping me from total freedom from overeating? Maybe. I know I have nothing to lose by checking it out. No foothold should be given to the enemy, right?

Maybe a better question on a Friday afternoon would be: What expectations do you have for my weekend Lord? Sounds too holy? Well, I’m going to try anyway. God’s answers tend to surprise me. In fact, in my struggle with food, I’ve found His answers to be much more practical and hands-on that I could have ever imagined. That is of course if I get around to asking Him…

I read a great book recently on this topic: Walking with God by John Eldredge

Love  as always
Heleen

Resources:
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Are you a little insane?

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You know how insanity is defined as “repeating the same behavior or action and expecting different results”.

I would find myself doing exactly this in my struggle with food, the same thing over and over and over… and you know it… always the same results.
When it comes to loosing weight without falling back into eating disorders, I always have to have a little walk down memory lane to keep me from repeating the same mistakes. I tend to do this little walk at the beginning of the year, after falling back into some unhealthy eating habits over the holidays.

I would go down my list of things that worked: Juice fasts, liquids only, no carbs, diet pills… In the past I would grab onto one of these, just to find myself in a nasty eating disorder cycle of fasting and binging, and as a result months of agony. Now off course diet pills worked very well, and also a few other dangerous methods, but it was also a path of insanity, leading to only one thing: Health deterioration and a good chance of dying. So when I start to weigh my options I try to remember that it was always the same story, quick results initially followed by a heap of misery and extra weight in the end.

Now the more important question, the one I am supposed to ask: What did I do in the past to get weight off and keep it off, without spiraling into an eating disorder or knocking at death’s door? Only one thing: The thing my impatient nature does not want to hear about. The only thing that really worked was me eating healthy every day, exercising at least 4 times a week and getting rid of sugar and white flour. It worked, for six months or even a year at a time: I would loose the weight, I would not have anymore sugar cravings, I would be able to eat anything, and the anxiety would be gone.

Now, if this worked, then why did I fall back? Why couldn’t I keep it up forever?
Simple: I became insane again. Every time I would get greedy, wanting more weight loss and wanting it NOW! Every time I would reach for the same things I’ve done so many times before, expecting different results this time. I would reason that maybe the pills will make me skinny without killing me this time. Or, the weight loss on a low carb diet will stick and I won’t start craving big chunks of bread this time. I would reason that doing the same things and getting the same miserable results is perfectly normal…

I’m on the track of sanity again. May God help me to stay sane this time. In fact, keeping close to Him keeps me sane, and I know it! It’s when I crawl out from under that Everlasting wing that the enemy gets me alone and whispers to me to try the same stuff again so that the insanity can prevail.

The agony of New Year’s resolutions!!

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You know it, we all make it, sometimes we really mean it, yet we hate it because it tends not to last.

There reason: We want big results in little time!
According to research the two most popular New Year’s resolutions have to do with more money and less weight.
Now here’s the catch, both involve work. Not so much lots of work in a short period of time, but rather steady, consistent work over a long period of time. You know the kind: It wears you down, it makes you want to pull out your own hair and it never feels like normal living.

Yet, the people who study when others watch TV gets the degrees, the dream jobs and eventually (after much pain and agony) the big bucks. Also, and of course the BIG ONE: The people who go to the gym when others sleep in, eat the salad when others say “Hey, it’s Valentines day, I need to treat myself”, over a period of time weigh less, feel less depressed, have less health problems, and as a result look and feel great.
So, now that you feel lousy about your secret couch potato life (sorry), what to do…? We know it, we have to be consistent, but it’s hard, it can in fact be excruciating…

Last night while laying awake because of coffee and birthday cake (yeah, I still eat that) way too late, I got this image in my head of a tiny speck of light. One day of my life, infused with just a few good things: taking care of my body, soul, and spirit (exercise and eating well, spending time with God, and in my case, writing) can turn on a small light. Now that light doesn’t matter much at all, and is in fact almost invisible in a big darkness of 365 days. However, and I know you’re starting to get the picture, if I string them together it can make a big bright light. And even if I skip a few, you won’t even notice because the bright light will overpower the few dark days.
The biggest problem for me: I don’t value every little light. I think today’s light is too small to make any difference and therefor I might as well give up. So I keep living for tomorrow when I will change things, but tomorrow will never be enough on it’s own, I have to string it to today and all the other little yesterdays that were lit up. More importantly, I have to ignore the in between days, not focus on those dark days at all so that they can become less and not make me spiral down into weeks and months of darkness.

I need God to remind me, and we need to remind each other: Today matters! Today is all I have to shape my life! I have to turn this ship around ONE DAY AT A TIME! Just a little prayer, a little exercise, a little working on my dream, but I have to do it everyday to hold something beautiful in my hands at the end of this year.

I reminded you, why don’t you remind someone else…Think about it, talk about it, keep it alive:
GOD GAVE ME THE GIFT OF TODAY, BECAUSE TODAY MATTERS!