Food Struggles

No masks allowed! Gotta “GET REAL”

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To finish your journey of breaking free from food addiction, you will need a few key elements. One that made all the difference to me is bringing TRUTH back into my life. You can not afford to wear a mask anymore. You need to GET REAL in the full sense of the word in order to complete this journey.

I was in a very legalistic church for about four years. Not the “in your face” kind of legalism, but rather the kind that almost intoxicate you, drawing you into the relentless pursuit of “sticking to the rules” without you even realizing it. I always felt awkward and out of place. Unlike me, the other moms were so skinny and well put together. The few odd ones that didn’t quite qualify as one of the “beautiful people” somehow didn’t make it into leadership.

At one point the church went through a major split and many yucky things were revealed. I realized for the first time that this nagging feeling of inferiority that I had (because of a few extra pounds on me) didn’t exactly aid me in my pursuit to freedom or holiness. I never told a soul about my struggle with food, because no one ever spoke about their struggles, and no one ever admitted to being “only human”. Everybody was so spiritual, so driven to win the lost, so focused on not wasting time with frivolous things such as building friendships or finding personal healing.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for evangelism, but I also know that God never intended for us to stop being real, give up on friendship and neglect our hearts.
I never felt so alone in a congregation and I never felt so incapable of ever overcoming my food addiction. You see I had to keep it secret, because admitting to it would have been to admit to what everybody already suspected: “I was an immature Christian who should have had my act together years ago”

After the split things changed gradually and I started a small group for women who struggle with food issues. I found that there were actually a bunch of ladies who were just waiting to talk about this “thing” they were carrying around.

How great was my relief when we moved and were swept up in the loving arms of the people in our current church. They invited us to small groups where people wanted to get to know us, care about us, and most of all, they were not afraid to be real! Our church also sets high standards for holy living and growing in relationship with God, but although we have our problems like every other church, I personally never felt that cloud of condemnation.

I want to encourage you: If you suffer from an eating disorder or any other addiction, please find a place where you won’t feel afraid to be real. A place where you are encouraged by other women and where you experience the Holy Spirit’s presence to heal you and change you. Yes, we have to build our own relationship with God, but He also created us to be part of a community and to have genuine friendships. These friendships are best know by their “giving and receiving”. In these friendships you will experience acceptance of both your good and “not so good” parts. You need to be loved for who you are to break free from this disorder. Pretending to be perfect or okay when you are not will keep you in bondage. Pleasing others and not being truthful about your needs and fears will prevent you from finding the healing you so desperately need.

I know change is hard, and I’m not telling you to give up your church either. I just want to nudge you to keep looking for a church or even just a group where you can receive love and support. Start today. If your church doesn’t offer any support groups, start your own. You can use my program for your support group if you want, or look for the following groups in your area that focus on freedom from food struggles and other addictions:
Celebrate Recovery (look for a group in your town)
First Place (look for a group in your town)

You can stop overeating or stop binge eating by taking my hand through the online program I offer, or by taking the hand of a friend. Believe me, it’s almost impossible to do it yourself.

Stop Binge Eating: Turn off the TV!

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Research shows that most women complain of feeling inadequate, insecure and depressed after watching Fashion Shows or TV programs. There is an undeniable link between gaining weight and watching too much TV.

Please read this scenario from my Online Program for Women Struggling with Food and see if you can relate:

“You start watching a movie where the main character, miss Wonderful, is a slender, sexy blond.

She has everything anyone could ever want: She has the man of her dreams slobbering all over her, she lives in a mansion and drives a sports car. She is popular, smart, funny and she is an impressive career woman.

She has no children, no financial problems, no dirty laundry, no acne and definitely no PMS. She makes you sick with envy: You hate your life!

Your mind starts to drift to food: What can you eat to numb this pain of dissatisfaction and inadequacy?

Then, as if someone in the marketing industry could hear your thoughts; a commercial break.

The screen starts dripping with thick, luscious chocolate. Another miss Perfect slip a perfect square of chocolate in between her red Botox lips and whisper to you that chocolate will make all your dreams come true.

You run to the kitchen and discover your secret stash – a pack of old peanut M&M’s behind the frozen veggies. You also grab some ice cream and graham crackers.

You arrive just in time to see miss Wonderful zip up her tiny mini skirt: She looks so great! You sigh, then shove a handful of M&M’s in your mouth and swallow it down with tears of failure.

Sounds familiar?”

TV watching is linked to certain eating disorders such as Binge Eating Disorder. It’s not just the lack of physical activity that causes weight gain, but the food commercials trigger cravings, and the images of perfect bodies cause feelings of dissatisfaction and inadequacy which in turn are “medicated” through binging.

If you have an eating disorder you want to be especially aware of your surroundings and in touch with your body when you eat. Sitting down at a table, talking to others or enjoying a great view is the best way to do this.

Eating on the run, or in front of the computer or TV is just downright looking for trouble. You may not even be aware that you are trying to numb feelings of stress, pain, inadequacy and dissatisfaction, because you loose touch with reality and your own body when you’re eating and watching TV or surfing the web.

What you really need when these feelings wash over you is to find someone to talk to (God, a friend or a counselor). I know it’s difficult, but let your feelings be a red light, warning you to not turn on the computer or TV when you’re not feeling okay. You already know what will happen if you give in and take the easy way out: Your mind will start wondering to food (all the commercials will be right there cheering you on) and you will find yourself in the kitchen anxiously tearing open bags and loading up on food in no time.

It took me a while to give up this idol. TV and food were definitely connected in my personal struggle with food: As long as I mindlessly watched TV to escape reality, I could not shake off my eating disorder. I was not even a “big” TV watcher, but when life got tough I would run to a “mind-numbing” activity such as watching TV while binging. I was really hiding from the world and my own scary feelings.

If you need more reasons (and research) to give up TV, please read the rest of this article: Food Addict: Beware of the TV!

However, if you already know that this is a problem for you, and you have tried countless times to walk away from the TV and stop binging without any success, then it might be time to get some help. Please have a look at my program for Women Struggling with Food and find out How to Stop Binge Eating and break this vicious cycle forever.

Here are Resources for you:

NEW: INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING online or in Beaverton Oregon
Call Heleen at (503) 914-2749 or Schedule online: www.LifeSolutions.io

Click on the image below to learn more about the 12 Week Online Program: Women Struggling with Food

Read my story. Click on the image below to download my ebook: God will I ever be free?

Appetite for Freedom WORKBOOK and DVD.
A great resource for small groups or individual use.
Click on the image below to find out more:

Looking for Trouble?

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Everybody knows that one should not go “looking for trouble”. However, if you’re struggling with food addiction, or any addiction for that matter, it might not be such a bad idea. You need to become a regular detective and have your ear on the ground for the slightest rumbling of trouble in your heart.

This past Easter weekend I detected some trouble and fortunately found it before it found me. None the less, it still scared me, and it was a sure reminder that I desperately need God. In fact, I will probably always need Him in this area of my life, something I’m starting to see as a blessing in disguise.

To get to the trouble, I feel that I should first give you an update on the previous few months of 2009: It’s actually been a very good year as far as my struggle with food is concerned. I have remained steady. I have been consistently doing things that really matter, ignoring the things that don’t matter so much, and I’ve been letting go of the notion of perfection (for the most part). It’s been a year of freedom, some weight loss and plenty of spiritual breakthroughs. Of course you know better than to believe that I didn’t have my share of down days, trials and battles, you ladies have after all been reading my blogs!

However, I didn’t experience any slip-ups or downward spirals. I was truly singing the song of the redeemed. Now, don’t worry, I’m still singing, but this weekend I got a wake-up call, something we probably need every now and then.

It started with financial pressure. I know that many of you can relate. My husband didn’t loose his job, but there were some pay cuts and our online businesses are suffering. In comparison to many friends and family members, we have it easy though, and I am seriously counting every blessing. However, like many others, we too had to face reality and change our lifestyle, and it’s taking it’s toll. So this weekend started with our family having communion together, surrounded by God’s amazing love on Good Friday, and it ended with stress and heated discussions by Easter Sunday.

Of course I knew what to do: It was Easter Sunday, what better day to grab onto the life of Jesus that He so graciously extended to us? Church was great, but inside of me there was trouble brewing. When we came home from church, I wanted to watch a movie, I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to go anywhere, I didn’t want to cry (although I sure needed it), I didn’t want to talk to God and I wanted a second and a third helping of desert… mmm…. trouble…

My own personal journey to freedom taught me a few things: If I smell trouble, there’s trouble. If I keep it in, it will grow. If I keep quiet about it long enough, it will blow up in my face. Most importantly, if trouble comes knocking, I don’t really know what I need at all, and what I want is definitely not what I need.

So I had a very long phone conversation with a friend (crying and the works). I dragged my husband out in the rain to go for a walk-and-talk (mainly me talking). Afterward I took a bath and talked some more to God. I talked and talked, the thing I didn’t want to do, until my head cleared and I stopped making a list in my mind of things I wanted to binge on!

It’s not easy to struggle with food, but as the years pass and you keep giving it back to God things change. You start to smell trouble a mile away, but most importantly, you know what to do, you have tools, you have support, you have the Holy Spirit and you get through it quickly so life can go on.

However, to get to that place, you need to start the journey to freedom and healing. It takes time, but no more time that you might have wasted going around and around with this addiction. An addiction, such as food addiction, steals your life, it robs you from relationships and it reduces you to only a fraction of who you really are.

Please hear this today: You are so much more than this eating disorder. My 12 Week Online Course for women struggling with food can get you started on your own personal journey to freedom. Come have a look and see if this course is a good fit for you, if you are ready to stop bulimia or stop overeating for good.

From an Ex Food Addict who understands all too well.

Help! The Devil is holding onto my weight!

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You know the feeling: You sweat, you hunger, you resist, you sweat some more and then you step on the scale… and time seems to stop… blood drain from your face… you heart falls into your big toe… you’ve lost nothing! It’s not a pretty thing, in fact it can make the most dedicated woman of God yell at the Devil and reach for the triple chocolate ice cream (wrapped in a towel in the back of the freezer).

Trying to lose weight if you’re not a spring chicken is difficult enough without the dreaded “Weight Loss Plateau”. As a more “mature” woman you already have the odds stacked against you: Slower metabolism, juggling career and family life, truckloads of stress and haywire hormones! One more bump in the road can push you over the edge, and a weight loss plateau can supply exactly that bump.

So in all seriousness, it’s not funny! It can be discouraging at best and turn into full blown depression if it lingers. We all want to avoid that famous weight loss plateau, but the reality is that you will probably bump into it at one time or another, that is if you’re not a thriving nineteen year old (no offense to my younger readers)

A weight loss plateau is not picky either, it will pounce on the low-carb believers, the calorie counters, the all inclusive eaters, and even the hunger and fullness detectives. Hitting a weight loss plateau is a matter of “when” not so much “if”.

I did some research for us on this dreaded weight loss plateau. I’m sure it’s obvious by now that I hit a few myself. According to nutritionist and doctors alike, this is quite a natural and very normal process of “healthy” weight loss. We tend to be very diligent with our diets at first and in the beginning we also tend to lose a lot of water, making the initial weight loss seem huge. However, the great results might slow down as you continue on your plan. Even people who are on very effective programs or have gone through something as radical as weight loss surgery hits plateaus in their weight loss.

So by now you know that I do not recommend any kind of super restrictive diet, but if you’re following a healthy eating plan or meal replacement program (not any kind of fad diet) and your weight loss slows down, then it’s technically not a plateau but only a healthy way of losing. I know what you want to say “But it’s soooo discouraging!” I’m so sorry, but yes, you’re patience will be stretched, believe me I know, God has had my patience in a taffy puller many times before.

That said, if you’re honestly eating healthy, getting some exercise and still find yourself stuck at the same weight for months on end, you will be pleased to know that something can be done.  I put together a checklist of possible reasons for your weight loss plateau. Please go have a look at this article if you are in this difficult spot right now. This list sure shook me out of my denial: I thought I ate good, one glass of water will do it, and walking the treadmill every day at a mild pace will keep my weight loss going. Sometimes it’s not even so much denial as just a plain case of “not knowing”.

Some plateaus have medical reasons behind them, but for most of us plateaus will come and go but only the consistent girls among us will make it. Don’t take my word for it, I’m just the messenger. Have a look at Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Please don’t give up dear girl friend, hang in there, I’m hanging with you!
Heleen

Click here for the complete article on my website, with a plateau check list for you: Weight-loss Plateau

 

 

Resources for You:

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A Special Story about Depression

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HAPPY ST PATRICK’S DAY EVERYONE!

I wanted to direct you to a Blog that I love. This lady’s name is Sandy Cooper and she writes amazing blogs from the heart, that will make you cry and laugh. She is currently sharing her story of struggling with depression and I thought it might be something that one of you precious ladies really needed to hear. Her honesty is simply refreshing!

I know some of you have heard this in my Program but let me say it again: If you are struggling with food addiction or an eating disorder then you HAVE TO SEE A PHYSICIAN. It is very important to find out how the years of struggling with food affected your health and what you can do about it. Lack of necessary nutrition over a period of time can cause depression in itself. Some ladies can not get a hold of their lives (and their food addiction) because depression is present and they haven’t dealt with it.

Unfortunately, as Sandy and other people point out, depression has a stigma especially in Christian circles. So we will do any and everything to not be associated with the “happy pills”. However, if this is what your body needs, nothing else will help. If you talk to your doctor you will get more information on depression and the things that cause it, including hereditary factors. This might be the eye opener you need.

Many ladies with eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia have type A personalities. Perfectionism is a big battle for these ladies and their biggest pain comes from trying to get “control” over their weight at all cost. To not have “control” over their emotions as well is simply unthinkable, so they will try everything they can to beat the sadness themselves.

Believe me, I am not judging, I’ve walked this road myself and it’s not easy to let go of the control, surrender to God, and get the help you need. But it has to be done if you want to LIVE and have life in abundance.

Please go read Sandy’s series “God speaks through the storm, it will bless you!

“No fat chicks allowed”

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I know, it’s awful! I cringe to even write this down, but I am outraged! This morning I stopped behind a truck and found myself face to face with this horrible bumper sticker.

Sure, it’s suppose to be a joke, but I seriously had to pray for patience and self-control from on high to not back-up my mini van and ram into this young man’s truck. I know you have to consider the source: The other bumper stickers on this guy’s truck painted an ugly picture of disregard for women in general, but I was still upset.

Actually I was more than upset, I was sad and angry. Sad for me and other ladies who struggle with food, but especially sad for our daughters, yours and mine, who have to face such cruelty. My heart was aching for young women in the death grip of an eating disorder. Seeing bumper stickers like these will make some girls vow to rather die than be overweight. Other girls might shrink back into a corner of depression and despair because they can’t get a grip on the ever increasing weight gain. I so wish I could clobber some sense into the heads of ignorant and insensitive human beings who spread the lies that your worth is all wrapped up in your appearance.

I went online and found websites, bumper stickers and clothing devoted to the “no fat chicks cause” and I shuddered. I thought of so many overweight people I know who go along with it, making fun of themselves, pretending not to care, but they cry in secret…

Let me remind you today: There are no fat or skinny chicks in God’s book. There are hearts, washed by the blood of His Son or not… Don’t give up girl, Jesus came to set the captives free. If you love Him and you know Him, that freedom is yours!

Sister, you’re not alone!

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Just thought I would let you know that if you are having a difficult day, or if you are still struggling with the same old stuff after many years: You’re not alone.

I was reminded of this when I did my Bible study today in the late afternoon (and you thought I always get it done early in the morning:) I was surprised to read a very honest piece written by Beth Moore about how difficult and sad her life can be at times. It made me feel better, not that I want her to go through any of those things, but I tend to put famous and influential women on a pedestal, forgetting that they too are only flesh and blood. There are lot of Spiritual qualities in Beth and other women that I admire and that I desire to have in my own life, but sometimes it helps my heart to hear that I’m not the only one who has off days.

So I thought I would encourage you: You’re not alone. We are sisters in Christ and we can encourage each other with our spiritual gifts, but also with our honest acknowledgment of our own humanity. So be blessed today to know that I too get tempted, sometimes I overcome, and sometimes I don’t. I too get sad and sometimes God lifts me out of it in a moment and other times I have a journey to complete before I get over it. Whatever you’re going through, you can be certain that somewhere on this planet another precious sister in Christ is going through the same thing.

The good news: We can make it, because we have Jesus and we have each other! Even though I might not personally know you, I pray that you will be blessed and God will bring along a friend in your life that can be both a Holy example and a real shoulder to cry on when things get tough.

Dear Blue Jeans!

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021217_0017_0016.wbcYesterday I bumped into one of my dear friends who I haven’t seen for a while. She had a pair of blue jeans on and a twinkle in her eye.

Her story reads very much like mine and for this reason I understood exactly where she came from when she blurted out “I fit into my jeans!”
It takes a certain type of women to understand: The one who battled overeating for years, who had to wear black sweat pants for decades, and tried forever to fit into a pair of jeans. So I was immediately on board, ready to celebrate with her! God has done an amazing work in her life and for the first time in many years she could take a pair of blue jeans (without elastic) from the back of her closet and put it on.

Another friend couldn’t get over the fact that she now, for the first time in her life, have been able to wear long boots. These are truly spoils that we take back from the enemy when we overcome. Sure the major victory lies in the ability to maintain a decent weight and to have peace like a river flowing through your life. However, let’s not forget about the little joys that means so much when you break free form the claws of overeating and food addiction.

You too can experience the peace and the joy: God has it, and it’s available to all who believe and refuse to give up!

When the pastor changes into a hamburger…

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If you struggle with food, you won’t think this is a strange line. In fact you probably never heard anybody say this out loud, but I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.

If the enemy tempts me with food that I haven’t eaten for a long time and don’t intend to eat again (I’m talking about deep fried, sugar laden fast food) during the week, then he puts in an extra effort on a  Sunday morning. I rush to get myself and the kids ready, so I don’t eat a decent breakfast on a Sunday. I have learned a long time ago that some protein takes me much further in the mornings than anything else. I could go twice as long on an egg or some nuts added to my cereal than any other type of food. But on Sundays I tend to have a granola bar and banana on my way to church. Nothing wrong with that, except that by 10pm my stomach is growling and the Pastor is taking on some suspicious shapes.

This morning though, I felt such joy flood my soul. God reminded me of all the years I would feel hungry and then either start thinking about all the things I’m going to binge on that afternoon, or I would rebuke myself because I would be on some restrictive diet. I would always feel so trapped, so cheated and probably end up binging on some junk food that afternoon anyway.

It’s not like that anymore. God has brought me far, and I am so grateful! There is truly nobody as grateful and filled with joy than the captive being set free. It’s because we know about that horrible pinned down feeling of despair and hopelessness and not having that anymore is like manna from heaven.

When the Pastor takes on edible shapes these days, I can put a hand on my growling stomach, take a deep breath and smile. I’m gonna be okay. I can go home and eat a decent meal, get to the park with the kids, write something and go to bed without depression and anxiety laying on me like a wet blanket. I don’t have to lay awake, trying to figure out how I can change my life around on Monday. I don’t have to repeat this cycle week after week anymore.

God is good. Let me assure you that he never planned for you to stay in this pit. You can get out. Go have a look at my story of overcoming bulimia and food addiction.

This little mind of mine, I’m gonna…

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…well I wish I knew what I’m suppose to do with it: Little mind, big problem. My mind is not that big in comparison to, well a lot of other things! However, this mind of mine can wreak havoc.

Some people say you have to think positive: Good idea, if you can keep it up.
Others say you have to fill your mind with the Word of God: Good idea, if you remember to do it.
Others say that you simply have to take charge of that run-away mind: Been there, done that, doesn’t work so well.
Others say you have to keep busy, because idleness can get you in trouble: Definitely some truth to that, only, it’s not always possible to stay busy. What about when sickness strikes or unemployment.

To tell the truth, sometimes I just want to wallow in my negative thoughts for a while, and nobody or nothing will stop me. However, I know through trial and error that if I let this go on for a few hours or a few days I could get in serious trouble. Life is hard and if we sit down and count our sorrows, we will quickly have a truckload full. The danger is to stay in that place. It can cause serious depression.

It’s really like that for many different things in life. It’s not about falling into the trap of overeating that sets us up for another bout with eating disorders. No, it’s in the staying down. If we repent, forgive ourselves and try again we can move on quickly. It’s when we listen to the enemy’s lies in that moment, and believe me he will never just feed you one little lie. No, he will pile on self loathing, guilt, sorrow and self pity. If you give in to it, life can start spinning out of control very fast.

I am tempted every day to go the route of negative thinking, and I’m sure so are you. The only thing that helps me: Consistent time with God and talking candidly with other human beings who experience the same stuff. Every day I ask myself: Why do I do this Bible study and prayer thing again? Isn’t it just a legalistic religious formality? Or I wonder if it’s truly necessary to put time into friendships and invest in other people’s lives. But then the enemy attacks my mind with negative thoughts and accusations, and I know again why I do what I do…

Just one word from Scripture can give me new hope. Just one laugh with a girl friend can pick me up and make me think that this life is not so bad after all…