Heleen

About Pasta Plates and Broken hearts

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I just have to brag with our God a little: There is no one like Him, and there is no one that can see deep in the secret places of our hearts and bring about the most amazing healing!

I had a funny day yesterday. I felt nostalgic and was walking down memory lane a bit. I met up with an old school friend on Face Book. We haven’t spoken in twenty years and my mind was back in 1988. The more I thought about my high school years and everybody I knew back then the more my anxiety level climbed. It’s not that it was all that bad for me. I wasn’t bullied, I had some friends and I did pretty good academically, but I wasn’t popular or even close to it. I was at best a happy-clappy-Jesus-freak-nerd. Now today I will carry that title with pride, but back then, not so much.

After thinking about this for most of the morning, I brushed it off with a “Come on, those days are long gone, you have done well for yourself.” I carried on to recite in my mind the things I have accomplished, not that they were all that much or even that great, but it made me feel better. To tell you the truth, when I look back on my life I know for sure that God’s grace was the driving force behind every good thing, nothing else.

I thought I was done with all this doom and gloom. For goodness sakes, I should take these thoughts captive, right? Well, it turned out to be quite the challenge on this particular morning. While cleaning the kitchen my thoughts went a different route. I was packing away my pink pasta plates. I’m afraid I bought these plates without really knowing what I was buying. (This use to happen to me a lot, being an alien in a foreign country). I never knew there existed a thing called a “pasta plate”. I just thought they were pretty pink plates with a little bit of a hollow center at a great price! (Ross of course).

So to make a very long story short, a few months ago we had one of my husband’s colleagues and his family over for a BBQ (hot dogs and hamburgers) and I served it, of course, in my pretty pink “pasta plates”. All would have been fine, have they not been very eloquently speaking, well read, travelers of the world. In fact, they lived in Italy for a while! This was just another addition to my long list of cultural blunders. Oh well, what are you gonna do? I thought for sure this embarrassing incident was behind me. However, on this barely-Spring morning, while putting away my “pasta plates” (we now use it all the time – you can’t waste a good bargain!) waves of shame washed over me.

I was confused: Didn’t I already deal with all this stuff, what was this all about? Fortunately for me I have a Counselor, a dear friend who sees every crazy step I take, and always tells met the truth even when it hurts. He was right there, peeking over my shoulder, whispering in my ear with His gentle voice: “This is an assault on your heart.” Off course! John Eldridge explains this so wonderfully in his book Waking the Dead. The enemy would go to those wounded places in our hearts (my school days and my pasta plate incident) and he will use it to shame us, condemn us and sow lies in our hearts that we are utterly worthless. I was so excited to have recognized this (again). I ran to my room, shut the door, stretched myself out before God and sobbed: “What is going on God? What is this attack on my heart? My heart is your dwelling place, please help me guard it!”

I never seem to have the right words to explain the transformation that takes place in His presence.
In that place He showed me the lie: The enemy has been telling me “You will never be good enough!”
But better yet, in that moment He dropped His truth into my heart: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I have counted every hair on your head and I made you to be you for a very specific reason. Just be yourself my child”

Oh how I love Him. Oh how I need Him. Dearest sister in Christ, living without Him is not living at all. I hope you too are guarding your heart today. Don’t fall for the enemy’s lies. God made you so beautiful!

In my program for women recovering from overeating, binge eating and bulimia, we spend a whole week talking about the assaults on our hearts. In the struggle with food, the assaults are constant and crippling. It is almost impossible to live under those. God wants to free your heart and make it His sole dwelling place!

A Special Story about Depression

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HAPPY ST PATRICK’S DAY EVERYONE!

I wanted to direct you to a Blog that I love. This lady’s name is Sandy Cooper and she writes amazing blogs from the heart, that will make you cry and laugh. She is currently sharing her story of struggling with depression and I thought it might be something that one of you precious ladies really needed to hear. Her honesty is simply refreshing!

I know some of you have heard this in my Program but let me say it again: If you are struggling with food addiction or an eating disorder then you HAVE TO SEE A PHYSICIAN. It is very important to find out how the years of struggling with food affected your health and what you can do about it. Lack of necessary nutrition over a period of time can cause depression in itself. Some ladies can not get a hold of their lives (and their food addiction) because depression is present and they haven’t dealt with it.

Unfortunately, as Sandy and other people point out, depression has a stigma especially in Christian circles. So we will do any and everything to not be associated with the “happy pills”. However, if this is what your body needs, nothing else will help. If you talk to your doctor you will get more information on depression and the things that cause it, including hereditary factors. This might be the eye opener you need.

Many ladies with eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia have type A personalities. Perfectionism is a big battle for these ladies and their biggest pain comes from trying to get “control” over their weight at all cost. To not have “control” over their emotions as well is simply unthinkable, so they will try everything they can to beat the sadness themselves.

Believe me, I am not judging, I’ve walked this road myself and it’s not easy to let go of the control, surrender to God, and get the help you need. But it has to be done if you want to LIVE and have life in abundance.

Please go read Sandy’s series “God speaks through the storm, it will bless you!

A “Special” Meal with Extra Gravy!

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I know it sounds like we’re having an early Thanksgiving, but not to worry, the Woest family is still going strong as far as healthy eating habits are concerned. However, this weekend we did have a special meal alright!

By the end of the weekend I was in a pretty lousy mood, in fact I felt bruised and beaten by laundry, chores, commitments and tantrums (the “don’t-know-what-I-want-but-I-don’t-want-that” tantrums that gets issued with every precious two year old 🙂

So at dinner time I dished up big plates of steaming hot guilt for every family member. I also added some thick gravy of manipulation and a side dish of harshness. Off course I didn’t starve either, my plate was packed with self-pity, discontentment and a dash of bitterness. Great dinner!

It was the wise women from Proverbs that grabbed me by the apron and shook me up good. The Amplified Bible says it exactly like I needed to hear it: “She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.” (Prov 31:27)

Ouch! So I repented and laid my burden down where it belongs. I am happy to say that this morning’s breakfast was on the lighter side. Love, humility and thankfulness was on the menu.

I still have a long way to go before I can be called a Proverbs 31 woman, but maybe, as some of my friends believe, it speaks of all the seasons of our lives. For this season I feel blessed to just drop the “bread of idleness” because it ruins my “holiness diet” anyway.

Love you lots
Heleen

Happy 1st Birthday!

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I bet you are wondering which child of mine is turning one that you didn’t even know existed. Well, sorry to disappoint you but this Birthday girl is not so much the flesh and blood kind as she is a pretty mess of code and color.

I am talking about our website “Women struggling with Food“. I don’t think I ever told you the story of her “creation” or the three difficult months of “labor” I endured, so here goes:

I was seriously just minding my own business, taking care of my then one year old baby girl, doing some counseling here and there and filling my days with juggling the activities of the four men in my life. I really missed the support groups I facilitated for about seven years though. I would be a hypocrite if I tell you that those groups were always fun and games. No actually the groups were exhausting and at times excruciating for both me and the ladies involved. We were all dealing with life changing stuff and digging up pain that we would much rather have left exactly where it was. There was a lot of crying, definitely some laughing, but also truck loads of emotions flying around. Yet, in the midst of it all, amazing friendships were forged. I missed it all, the whole nine yards!

I suspect my husband was getting fed-up with my miserable state. This is when he suggested that I put together all of the information and research I gathered to create an online program. He figured I could just make one week and see what happens. I had of course no idea what I was getting into and casually agreed to give it a shot. One thing lead to another, I started writing, then recording, more weeks sprung up and I just couldn’t stop. Looking back, I know for certain that it was a God thing, because it was three of the most difficult months of my life! Everything that could go wrong indeed went wrong. Amazingly though, I didn’t stop. Regardless of sickness, financial pressure, extended family crisis and strain on our marriage, I simply didn’t quit. Now if you know me at all, you will not believe this. I am not exactly the “never-quit” type, especially if the thing I’m doing has a negative influence on my family. So I know for sure that God pushed me through while the enemy tried every trick in the book to stop me.

I am so grateful to God! You have no idea how very aware I am of the fact that He uses any vessel He wants, and that if He could use me to bring this message, He can use you too. I want to encourage you with this post that God wants to use you, even in the midst of your struggles and in spite of your weaknesses.

So by the time I finished recording, writing and editing (still a work in progress actually) I only had a program. It was the same course I have been using to help other women through the years, but now what do I do with it? There was nobody to give it to, just the world-wide-web, pretty scary…

So I needed another push, and again the job was assigned to my poor husband. By now he was actually getting pretty good at pushing me beyond what I think I could do. I simply hated technology and especially resisted anything computer or internet related with every fiber of my being. Can you even imagine the mess? Lots of tears, tons of conflict and hours of praying “God please let me off the hook!” The end result: Victory, knowledge where there was only a big back hole in my brain, and a website where ladies all over the world can sign up and trust God for a miracle of freedom in their lives! I have no words when I talk about this, just tears. It was really impossible. It is really such a miracle!

For me personally the miracle extended beyond the course. It impacted my marriage in a way I could never imagined. My husband is such an internet dude. He is always on the computer and it left a huge void in our marriage. I never knew how to fix it. I demanded, I begged, I tried to change (tried to love the little tin brain lady called a laptop) but it was a lost case. Then God came and answered my prayers, in a rather sneaky way I might add:) These days we are the “computer twins”! I know, unbelievable!

Did my fun stop last February when we launched? I’m sure you know the answer to that. No such luck! My husband initially agreed to devote so much time to my “project” partly in order for me to contribute to our finances. We have a big family and he has been the sole bread winner for a long time. So we argued about the price. In the end we prayed and waited and let God decide, seeing that He was the executive director anyway. After this challenge came months of technical difficulties. Goodness knows, I never knew so many things can go wrong!

Finally, a few months ago things started settling down. I started selling more memberships to ladies all around the world. I still cry every time! Some of the wonderful ladies wrote the most gracious words of encouragement, and I cried some more and thanked God that it was all worth it.
Don’t think for one minute that the enemy would just back off and let me enjoy this though. No, there were a few nasty comments too, and days when the evil one came and whispered in my ear that I had no idea what I was doing and that I should just shut down the website.

Fortunately, as you know, I can hide under the wing of my Everlasting Father. It’s there where he restores my soul, gives me perspective and reminds me to just be me. Yes, I have nothing to boast about, but I also have nothing to be ashamed of either. I am just his daughter, washed and cleaned by the blood of the Lamb. So I’m sure there will be more days when I think “Wow, girl, you did a pretty darn good thing here” or days when I think “What in the world were you thinking”. However, let me assure you that God will straighten me out, there on my not-so-new living room carpet, every morning before I turn on my computer.

I wrote this post mainly to encourage you dear sister: Yes God wants to set you free from food struggles, but there is so much more to you. He has amazing things in store for you, things that will blow your mind!

Please go read some of the blessed words of encouragement and testimonies that you send me during this past year. I put it on the website, but I used fake names to protect your identity. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much ladies. I honestly don’t deserve the praise but I do love you all dearly!

“No fat chicks allowed”

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I know, it’s awful! I cringe to even write this down, but I am outraged! This morning I stopped behind a truck and found myself face to face with this horrible bumper sticker.

Sure, it’s suppose to be a joke, but I seriously had to pray for patience and self-control from on high to not back-up my mini van and ram into this young man’s truck. I know you have to consider the source: The other bumper stickers on this guy’s truck painted an ugly picture of disregard for women in general, but I was still upset.

Actually I was more than upset, I was sad and angry. Sad for me and other ladies who struggle with food, but especially sad for our daughters, yours and mine, who have to face such cruelty. My heart was aching for young women in the death grip of an eating disorder. Seeing bumper stickers like these will make some girls vow to rather die than be overweight. Other girls might shrink back into a corner of depression and despair because they can’t get a grip on the ever increasing weight gain. I so wish I could clobber some sense into the heads of ignorant and insensitive human beings who spread the lies that your worth is all wrapped up in your appearance.

I went online and found websites, bumper stickers and clothing devoted to the “no fat chicks cause” and I shuddered. I thought of so many overweight people I know who go along with it, making fun of themselves, pretending not to care, but they cry in secret…

Let me remind you today: There are no fat or skinny chicks in God’s book. There are hearts, washed by the blood of His Son or not… Don’t give up girl, Jesus came to set the captives free. If you love Him and you know Him, that freedom is yours!

Sister, you’re not alone!

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Just thought I would let you know that if you are having a difficult day, or if you are still struggling with the same old stuff after many years: You’re not alone.

I was reminded of this when I did my Bible study today in the late afternoon (and you thought I always get it done early in the morning:) I was surprised to read a very honest piece written by Beth Moore about how difficult and sad her life can be at times. It made me feel better, not that I want her to go through any of those things, but I tend to put famous and influential women on a pedestal, forgetting that they too are only flesh and blood. There are lot of Spiritual qualities in Beth and other women that I admire and that I desire to have in my own life, but sometimes it helps my heart to hear that I’m not the only one who has off days.

So I thought I would encourage you: You’re not alone. We are sisters in Christ and we can encourage each other with our spiritual gifts, but also with our honest acknowledgment of our own humanity. So be blessed today to know that I too get tempted, sometimes I overcome, and sometimes I don’t. I too get sad and sometimes God lifts me out of it in a moment and other times I have a journey to complete before I get over it. Whatever you’re going through, you can be certain that somewhere on this planet another precious sister in Christ is going through the same thing.

The good news: We can make it, because we have Jesus and we have each other! Even though I might not personally know you, I pray that you will be blessed and God will bring along a friend in your life that can be both a Holy example and a real shoulder to cry on when things get tough.

Give me strength!

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I have yet to meet a woman who always has time on her hands, never looks exhausted, and always seems relaxed. In heaven we might see more of those, but here on earth most women are overworked and underpaid, seriously!

Okay, so sometimes we choose a lifestyle that make us run a hundred miles an hour. In this case some serious self reflecting and maybe counseling might be an option to regain our sanity. However, most of us, as our mothers before us, are simply caught in the rat race of life, where everything seems urgent and pressing.

We know the answer: We have to slow down and make time to get into God’s presence. The Bible encourages us so many times to wait upon the Lord. The results are miraculous: You will run and not grow weary, you will walk and not be faint (that would be me), and you will rise up on wings like the eagles (Isaiah 40:31). If your life is anything like mine, you will know that we need nothing short of a miracle to start running without pulling a muscle!

Some days I am so exhausted and emotional drained that I just lay before God and cry. It reminds me of my little girl, when she’s really tired she can’t find the words to tell me what’s wrong, she just cries. God is such a compassionate father. Whenever I’m just laying before Him, too tired to utter a word, He never fails to comfort me, give me wisdom, have me take a nap, or just give me that miraculous infusion of strength straight from heaven’s storerooms.

“Holy Spirit, please keep nudging me every day to go to my Father instead of turning to things that don’t satisfy (such as overeating and watching TV) and can not help me”

No greater joy!

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I am shamelessly crying while I’m typing this post. These are not tears of sadness, no it’s tears of joy and wonder. I am in awe of our wonderful Lord and Savior.

Tonight I received an email from a lady who gave her life to Jesus through my program. I don’t think I will ever get used to this kind of news. To me there is nothing in this world that compares to the feeling of seeing someone, especially a woman who is heavy burdened under the load of eating disorders, accepting the voice of Jesus: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28)

I’m just as human as the next lady, and you can believe me if I tell you that there are days when I’m not sure that I should ever have written anything. Other days the enemy attacks me with condemnation and doubt about my past. But when I hear a testimony like this, I know it was worth it, and I know that God can and will use any broken vessel, like me, if we will only let Him.

I can never get enough of His amazing love for us! I can still not believe that He is just so willing to take all of our sin, all our sorrow, all our pain, all our overeating, all our struggles with food, all of our unbelief and change it into a beautiful life.

There is truly no one as happy, just plain happy, as the captive that has been set free. Even now Jesus’ words in Isaiah 61:1, the words that brought freedom to my life, are ringing in my ears
“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners”

Hold the advise, please!

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If you have been dealing with food addiction for a while, the last thing you need to hear is another human being telling you to just get over it, have some self control and eat less already!

Some individuals are just plain rude and like to give advise about everything (including things they don’t know anything about). But there are also people who honestly intend to help us, but don’t know that their well meant advise can make us feel worse and sink even deeper into the eating disorder. It doesn’t help to take away food, count our calories for us, go on a diet with us or bring us every new diet that comes out. All these things just add to our stress level and self condemnation.

We have already tried all the diets and our answer does not lay in diets at all. The thing we need more than anything is acceptance, love, support and prayer. We have to figure the rest out with God and a professional who knows that we can’t just “get it together” already.

Just recently a lady told me that food is just a temptation, and overweight people should simply say NO. God helped me not to say anything, because words would have been wasted on this particular lady, but on my way home I prayed that God would grant me grace to “hold the advise”.

There were times when I gave people advise about things I knew nothing about and situations I have never been in. This advise giving can especially be going around when it comes to raising kids: As if any of us really know all the answers. I asked that God would help me to guard my mouth ( what goes in and comes out), but also search my heart for any pride that causes me to give unwelcome advise. After all, what is in the heart spills all over the place (my translation:)

Dear Blue Jeans!

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021217_0017_0016.wbcYesterday I bumped into one of my dear friends who I haven’t seen for a while. She had a pair of blue jeans on and a twinkle in her eye.

Her story reads very much like mine and for this reason I understood exactly where she came from when she blurted out “I fit into my jeans!”
It takes a certain type of women to understand: The one who battled overeating for years, who had to wear black sweat pants for decades, and tried forever to fit into a pair of jeans. So I was immediately on board, ready to celebrate with her! God has done an amazing work in her life and for the first time in many years she could take a pair of blue jeans (without elastic) from the back of her closet and put it on.

Another friend couldn’t get over the fact that she now, for the first time in her life, have been able to wear long boots. These are truly spoils that we take back from the enemy when we overcome. Sure the major victory lies in the ability to maintain a decent weight and to have peace like a river flowing through your life. However, let’s not forget about the little joys that means so much when you break free form the claws of overeating and food addiction.

You too can experience the peace and the joy: God has it, and it’s available to all who believe and refuse to give up!