Heleen

A little Christmas miracle came my way! My 3 year old daughter had her first Christmas “performance” but during the dress rehearsal  she refused to be an angel or go on stage. I was certain that we had to wait another year. However on Sunday morning when it was show-time, she was up there with the dress, the wings, the smile, and even a few hand motions. Don’t you just love these moments? Tokens of God’s love for sure…

I do realize that this little miracle of mine might seem tiny in comparison to the huge miracle you need from God in your life right now. So let’s talk about it for a second:

What’s going on in your life?
Do you need a miracle of healing in your body?
Do you need God to perform a miracle in your marriage or your finances?
How about a miracle of deliverance from food, alcohol, pornography or drugs?
Maybe you’re stuck in a “prettier addiction” such as shopping, TV, internet or gossip.

Let me say this: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS, OUR GOD IS BIGGER!!!
God is calling you, just as you are. You might be dealing with incredible pain, shame, or anxiety at this very moment. You might have just eaten so much food that you are in physical pain. Maybe you just purged and you feel shame hanging like a cloak around your shoulders. Maybe you are past all these feelings and you just feel a great numbness inside of you…

Seriously, God is waiting for you! He saw everything you did and He is still waiting and calling…

The voices of condemnation, guilt and shame that you hear are not of God but from the enemy who wants to destroy you (John10:10)

I would like to remind you today of our Father’s heart. The parable in Luke 15 about the prodigal son gives us a peek into the heart of our heavenly father. He is looking for you, waiting for you to return to Him. He doesn’t insist that you first clean up your act or that you get rid of your filth before you come to Him. On the contrary, when He sees you taking the first few steps, He will run to you with open arms, welcoming you and showering you with love.

Please don’t try to first get “better” before you come to God. It’s the enemy’s age old trick to keep us in bondage.

It is only in God’s presence that we are cleaned and changed. You can not change yourself, but He has all the power to heal your broken heart and help you change the habits and addictions you’ve picked up to numb the pain. Better yet… He wants to heal the pain you are trying to numb…

Listen to what the Amplified Bible says about the father of the prodigal son:
“So he got up and came to his [own] father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity and tenderness [for him]; and he ran and embraced him and kissed him [fervently]” (Luke 15:20)(emphasis mine)

Do you see that the father was moved with pity and tenderness! Our heavenly Father has that same pity and tenderness towards us every time we come to Him, even in our filthy state. This might not be the first time you come to Him, but PLEASE don’t stop coming.

I found freedom from bulimia when I started crying out to God EVERY TIME I was binging or purging. I would cry and tell Him how bad I felt about myself, how ashamed I was, and how I needed Him to help me. He heard, He took pity on me, and drew me close to his heart with tenderness. You are his child too, He has no favorites, He wants to do the same for you!

I pray that you will experience a Christmas miracle right from the hand of our Father. He wants to give you the miracle of life in that place of your heart where you now experience only death. The best part, you don’t have to do anything to earn this miracle… simply turn to God…

Just run to Him my dear friend. Jesus came so you can be free (Isaiah 61)

Isaiah 6:9 (NKJV)

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas to all you amazing women of God!
Love, Heleen

PS: If you need additional help during this very difficult time, please download my free ebook “God will I ever be free” or sign up for the first free week of my 12 Week Online Program

I wonder if I’m the only one who tend to quote the caterpillar in A Bug’s Life? “One day I’ll be a beautiful butterfly and then everything will be better”

This attitude is quite human but it’s also a very dangerous way of living. Most people with eating disorders tend to not live in the present.

For people who struggle with food everything good will happen in the future when they lose weight. “As soon as we lose weight we will buy better clothes, go to women’s retreats, reach out to friends, and launch our ministries.” Sounds familiar?

We really find ourselves in a vicious cycle because unfortunately we also disconnect from our bodies and we don’t live in the present with our eating. So we convince ourselves that we are going to start to exercise and eat healthy after Christmas, after our birthday, after this cold spell, or after this stressful situation.

Putting life off like that is in fact putting off living! TODAY IS ALL WE HAVE!
Look at your day today and you have a glimpse of your future… so if you want a different future it has to start today!

Now for the question that might be on your mind: WHAT IF I CAN’T CHANGE?!
This is a valid question. Some of us have become so strangled in our food struggle that we really don’t have the ability to turn today or our future around.

However, there is ONE thing you can change today: How you spend your time.
If you start making time for God, RIGHT NOW, you will discover the driving force behind change.   Permanent change is only possible through the Power of the Holy Spirit. The one thing you can change today is to find a quiet place and pray this simple prayer “Lord I want to love you with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength, but I don’t. Please teach me how to love you in such a way that you will become everything to me”

Then do your part today by getting your hands on a good Bible Study and get in the Word. NOT TOMORROW – TODAY!

One thing I keep repeating to myself, so my ears can hear it and the devil can hear it too: TODAY MATTERS! TODAY I WILL WORSHIP MY GOD! AND TODAY HE WILL HELP ME CHANGE!

Start living in the present dear sister and take back you life!

With love from an ex-caterpillar:)

I didn’t want to share this really. Sometimes I start feeling uneasy about sharing so much of my life. Sometimes I just want to be a little phony again, wear a mask, pretend I’m always doing great. But then I think of every lady out there who has to deal with an eating disorder in the real world, and I drop the mask…

A friend recently shared about going through a period of mourning. She said she felt a deep sadness for her body, and more specifically the fact that no one took care of it and made sure it stayed healthy. At the time I assured her that this type of sadness and mourning over “lost years” and “lost dreams” are normal when you’re breaking free from an eating disorder.

Little did I know that some of that “mourning” was coming my way…

It’s actually related to Thanksgiving so I thought today will be the perfect time to share this.

I recently became aware of the very familiar feeling of “spiraling down”. I still experience this from time to time especially during the holidays. I can go a couple of years with an average weight that leaves me comfortable in my own skin, and more importantly, causes me to have PEACE IN MY SOUL AND SPIRIT. However,  just when I think “Man this is it, I have arrived” something goes wrong…

I’m sure many of you can relate: When you initially experience some real breakthrough in the area of food addiction life is TOTALLY DIFFERENT! You are so excited and so hopeful. You’re eating well, you’re making time for God, you get some exercise and you FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

And then, somehow, someday out of the blue, it all changes and you start slipping and sliding and before you know it you’ve picked up all the weight you’ve lost and you’re right there begging God to help you! You keep telling yourself “This is not possible. I was doing so well. I have to get a grip. I will do better tomorrow” Only to find that day after day and week after week you keep spiraling down…

Fortunately I know by now how to get back up and I don’t stay long in that pit. I know and believe that SURRENDER IS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THE PIT. (Please go read Week 12 of my program again if you need some tools on how to get back up and complete your journey or read this article How to get up when you fall)

However, what I wanted to know is WHY DOES IT STILL HAPPEN? Is it just God’s way of keeping me humble or is there something I’m still missing?

I’ve wanted to trace this back to the source  for quite some time, but I haven’t been able to put my finger on the most important issue. However, this week something happened… I experienced an overwhelming sadness, just like my dear friend. I was crying about all the Thanksgivings and other special occasions when I worked my body into the ground, neglected my time with God, stopped exercising, and did everything in my power to PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE.

It is not just when I have people over to my house but also when I have an important meeting, have to see old friends, or have to go on a trip. I get consumed. I shop, I plan, I think about it all day long and I throw all my consistent efforts out the window.

For the first time this week the Holy Spirit put all these things  in a row for me, to make it impossible to miss the underlying theme: PEOPLE PLEASING. I was so sad… I felt a deep sorrow for how I treated my body during those times. I felt an intense anger for the need to please people that run so deep in me that I would stop taking care of my health, my family and my relationship with God.

I was again reminded of the apostle Paul who told us in no uncertain terms that we can NOT be a servant of God if we’re still trying to please men.

I want to be a servant of God. So many of my dreams and desires are linked with serving God, and I if you think about the things you truly desire (deep under the desire to just be thin at all cost) you will find the same thing. I want to serve HIM with the talents and abilities that He gave me.

However I can’t seem to get away from the ever nagging “What will they think of me?  Will I be good enough? Will I be totally humiliated? Will I be rejected?”

I realized today that it will take some more “praying and guarding” during these times, but also a deliberate effort on my side! So I put my feet up today, drank more water, refused the urge to overeat or “not eat anything so I can look good” and I cleaned only the most important areas in my house.

I plan on reading again Joyce Meyer’s book Approval Addiction this weekend.

I also started praying today for a deeper love for God, the ability to love Him with such an undivided heart that there will be no place for people pleasing.

SO AGAIN IT COMES DOWN TO SURRENDER!! IF I’M TOTALLY HONEST WITH MYSELF I KNOW THAT I AM STILL TOO FEARFUL TO TRULY SURRENDER THIS THING TO GOD. I WANT PEOPLE TO THINK WELL OF ME…

SO THERE, I’VE SAID IT, NOW IT’S YOUR TURN… WHAT DO YOU STILL CLUTCH IN YOUR HAND?
WHAT IS THE THING IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU ARE SIMPLY TOO SCARED TO TURN OVER TO GOD? IT MIGHT BE DIRECTLY RELATED TO YOUR EATING DISORDER…

Please remember this holiday season to purposefully turn away from people pleasing.

IF YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, YOU FORFEIT YOUR SELF CONTROL!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving my friends. Enjoy the good food that God made, but remember to enjoy Him more…

Love, Heleen

Here are some resources for you:

• God will I ever be Free? – Download my free ebook

• 12 Week Online Program and Private Forum for Women Struggling with Food

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So I’m still busy with the never ending potty training… How did I do it with the other three? I know for sure they were not in diapers at age 3 anymore, and I’m sure it was much easier…or was I just younger…can’t remember…

Well today I did something AGAIN, that I always promise myself I will NEVER do: I used guilt and shame to hurry along the process. I know, shame on me! All the books on children (especially potty training) warns against the use of guilt and shame as a way to motivate, simply because it doesn’t work, in fact it does the opposite…

Now you would think that after all these years and four kids later I would be the wiser, but no, it sort of just “spills out of me” when I reach a certain place. This place usually consist of a well blended mix of exhaustion, frustration, irritation and haywire hormones, add a pinch of prayerlesness and you have my personal recipe for disaster.

So afterward I did what I had to do:  I confessed, made time to rest, made time to pray and tried again.

However, it always bothers me that these things keep coming out of the closet. Guilt and shame keeps popping up, not so much towards my kids as toward myself. I know it’s a useless feeling, and nothing good comes of it, but before I know it, I feel guilty about something I didn’t do or shameful about something I did. Like with my kids, it doesn’t motivate me either, it does the opposite, it makes me turn to food…

The same is true for unforgiveness and temptation actually. Just last week a friend shared with me how she keeps forgiving, like one would keeps resisting temptation, every time the enemy brings up old grudges. This is so true for all of us. It only takes a certain smell, a certain picture or a old song to put me right back into a past place of pain. If I nurture this for a mere second, I can start digging up old ruins, dwell on past offenses or hurts and before you know it: Things I forgave and put behind me, bugs me again!

So I wrote this post, to remind you, and definitely remind myself that the enemy wants to hand us a few “gifts” every day. He stands ready, waiting for a loophole in our armor so he can dish out shame, guilt, unforgivenss, offense and temptation.

We will be wise to keep our armor on, stay close to our Mighty God, and be aware of the enemy’s tactics.

However, if you do have a day where all the odds are stacked against you, as happens quite often in the life of busy women and moms, then remember what my friend pointed out: We can simply choose to forgive that person AGAIN, resist that temptation AGAIN,  and shake off that guilt and shame AGAIN.

And always remember…Today, freedom awaits you AGAIN!

Have a wonderful guilt-and-shame-free week dear sister

Love, Heleen